


One Angel, Slightly Used

by Ihopeitsbenign



Series: Angel [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:29:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihopeitsbenign/pseuds/Ihopeitsbenign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Also known as the Virgin! sequel</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no affiliation to Criminal Minds or its characters. This is fiction pure and simple.

Reid checked out his reflection in the BAU bathroom mirror. He nodded in approval. He had to admit that he looked pretty dapper in the custom made tuxedo with his hair slicked back. He tugged at the silk bowtie, pulling end on end fastening it into a tight bow. The bow held firm for a bit before collapsing, the two wrinkly ends dangling from a tangled knot. He huffed in frustration ripping it from his neck.

Alex was waiting for him at the Homes for the Homeless fundraiser downtown. After the delay in Tampa they'd arrived much later than Reid had planned for thus the rushed dressing up in the bathroom. The tux had been a gift from Alex who had correctly deduced that Reid had nothing formal in his closet. He'd certainly not anticipated the amount of black tie affairs he'd have to attend as part of a couple. He tried the tie again swearing when it fell apart. It was for a good cause he reminded himself trying to contain his rage.

The clock on Reid's cellphone showed he was going to be late again. More disappointed than mad, Alex would give him the look; brow furrowed, lips pursed like a parent with a recalcitrant child. Reid hated that look but he loved that Alex could never stay mad at him. He picked up the tie and strode out the bathroom. It was late but since they'd just come back from a case maybe Morgan would help – he faltered and stopped mid stride - not Morgan. That was the one habit he'd had trouble shaking. The desire to seek Morgan out everyday with the tiniest of excuses was a constant struggle.

Reid rushed back into the bullpen hoping to catch someone that would help probably one of the older male agents. After their more successful cases like this one had been, Hotch and Rossi usually holed up in Hotch's office and had a drink. He zigzagged through the maze of desks hoping he was in luck.

"Reid?" He turned to face Emily when she called his name. "Your cab is here."

"Thank you." He said brushing past her.

"Get back here." Prentiss called. "Let me get a good look at you." The elongated O's in good were a cause for worry.

Reid could hear the distinct clip clop of Garcia's heels coming down the hall. He had to get out of here before she pinched his cheeks and made a salacious remark. At the long suggestive whistle his shoulders slumped. It was too late; she'd already seen him. He plodded back to the two women, twirling for their enjoyment as they hooted and catcalled.

"I do declare Doctor Reid, you are my hero." Emily used her Southern accent and pretended to swoon.

"Don't you mean Reid, Spencer Reid?" Garcia grabbed his label. "In the right light he could be a superhot British spy. I don't know any doctors that look this hot in a tuxedo."

"They are all the same in the dark."

"Help me!" Reid mouthed at JJ but she only chuckled dodging his outstretched arm. He jumped when one of them pinched his left cheek, not the one on his face. Shocked Reid tore out of their teasing grasp dancing away.

"Stay back." He threatened sweeping a stapler off a nearby desk to hold them off. "Can any of you help me with this before you grope me?" He held up the black silk bow tie.

"I have some ideas, Junior G-man." Garcia baited.

"I bet you do." Emily cackled next to her.

"I can do it." Reid stiffened at Morgan's deep voice, hair lifting on his arms. His panicked brown eyes met JJ's begging her to intervene. She merely shrugged and left. In disbelief he turned to face the source. Morgan leaned on the railing above staring down at him. Reid met his earnest gaze and blushed.

Since they broke up they hardly ever spoke, not about anything personal anyway. Somehow the news of their affair had spread like wildfire through their small group. Probably out of pity or love or the desire to keep the team from splintering the rest had become adept at forming a barrier between them. It was as if they were on a date with a constant rotation of chaperones. There was no opportunity for a conversation alone as they were constantly interrupted by well meaning friends much to Reid's relief. If they were short on hotel rooms JJ and Reid shared while Prentiss crashed with Morgan. It wasn't a perfect plan; there were still moments when it was awkward as hell but six months after their disastrous end they still limped on somehow. Neither of them wanted to leave the BAU so they made it work.

"I sure know how to clear a room." Morgan smiled as he came down the stairs.

Reid glanced back to find the bullpen completely empty. Prentiss and Garcia were heading out the door still laughing. "Traitors" He muttered under his breath. He turned stumbling back when he found Morgan right in from of him. This was closer than he'd been in months.

"It's okay." He excused. Morgan touching him even innocently would be a mistake. "My cab is late… I mean my cab is here. I am late. I'll just have Al-ex do it."

"Mr. Perfect to the rescue." Morgan sneered before catching himself. "Sorry that was uncalled for. Believe it or not, that was me trying not to be a dick."

Reid smiled faintly at his hangdog expression. "We just haven't hang out in a while. Our rhythms –" The inappropriate word hang out there bringing to mind a rhythm of a different kind. Reid flushed. "- are off." Power through. "Maybe we could have dinner sometime? Catch up." He offered insincerely hoping Morgan wouldn't take him up on it.

"That would be nice."

Crap.

"I'm gonna go." Reid shuffled backward. He turned slamming his knee into the side of a solid wood desk. Wincing he swallowed the yell of pain and struggled not to limp on his way out.

xxXxx

Reid pressed a kiss between Alex's shoulder blades before rolling to his feet. He felt incredible refreshed despite the late night and he walked over to the large windows and pulled open the heavy cream curtains chuckling when Alex grumbled and pulled the pillow over his head. Light and fresh air streamed into the stuffy room as he leaned out onto the sill letting the early morning rays hit his face. In a matter of months Sunday had become Reid's favorite day.

He always stayed over at Alex's on Saturday night. The big country house in the suburbs was incredibly rustic and homey despite the high ceiling and modern appliances. It sat on several acres ensuring plenty of privacy; the neighbors were a distance away in their own mansions with their own lives. He breathed in deeply one more time before starting his routine.

The routine had fallen into place by accident the first Sunday he'd stayed over. He'd woken before his lover, brushed his teeth and made them both breakfast following JJ's recipe to the letter. The last time he'd cooked for Morgan it had been a disaster so he was extra careful this time. It had been important that they start out just right. As ridiculous as it was to blame the fiasco of his relationship with Morgan on a botched meal he couldn't help himself. Maybe it had been a sign of some sort.

Alex had come down while he cooked, helping Reid finish up. They'd fed each other, after which they showered together and spent the rest of the morning on the porch swing. Alex read the paper and Reid watched him read while they swung lazily back and forth. They took a drive into town for lunch strolling hand in hand through the streets afterwards. Reid pretending to pay attention while his lover told him the history of each building. Really his only focus was on Alex's warm hand holding his. The rest of the day was a pleasant blur. By the time they'd fallen into bed late that night, Reid realized that he'd had a perfect day – no fuss, no drama - and he sought to recreate it every Sunday after that.

This particular morning Reid flew down the stairs in his boxers and white vest humming as he went. He was excited to try out the new recipe he gotten off the Internet, the fresh ingredients would be delivered any second. The clang of a dropped pan stopped him in his tracks on the bottom step. Someone was in the house. It was not Alex who was still an immovable lump in their bed upstairs.

Sneaking back up the stairs then bursting into their room, Reid locked the door behind him and shook Alex awake.

"You have a break in."

"What?" Alex sat up squinting at him.

"Burglars, thieves, robbers…" He clarified. "3,600,000 home invasions occurred in the United States annually between 1994 and 2000." Reid said diving into the closet to find his overnight bag.

"Wait" Alex yelled. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting my gun." Reid hissed back. "Keep your voice down."

"Stop" Alex grabbed him as he run past gun waving in the air. He flipped him onto his back on the bed rolling on top of Reid.

"What?"

"Sweetie, I love you but we are going to have a problem if you shoot my parents."

"Your parents?" Reid squeaked. "What…why?"

"They wanna meet you."

Reid recoiled. Meeting the parents reeked of permanence. Not to mention that fact that it was soon, so very soon. He'd met Alex's sister Kara over Skype but that wasn't the same. Plus he was a little resentful of them for interfering with his routine.

"I can tell by the absolute terror on your face that you'd rather not meet them."

"This is a little sudden."

"I told you they were coming two weeks ago, then 3 days ago."

"I thought you were just sharing information."

"I meant that I wanted you to meet. How did you not get that? That's irrelevant." He huffed. "They are here now and I want you to meet them."

"Both of them?"

"No just one. You can meet the other one at Thanksgiving." Alex mocked. "Yes of course both of them."

"But I – I –" Reid spluttered searching for excuses.

"Need time." They finished in unison. It was a huge commitment Reid didn't know if he was ready.

"You don't have to worry they already love you."

"How can they?" Reid scoffed. "They don't even know me."

"They know that I love you that's all they care about."

Reid wriggled out from under his lover and sat at the edge of the bed laying his off duty weapon on the bedside table. His mind grappled with the explosive news. He couldn't meet Alex's parents he wouldn't know what to say or do, he'd never met anyone's parents before but then he'd never had a boyfriend before but he knew that it was a big deal. A huge step forward. He didn't know if he was ready for so much even as he secretly berated himself for his cowardice. This is exactly what he had wanted, to belong with someone and that meant family and friends and colleagues. The more he thought about it the more panicked he got.

Alex sat next to him rubbing his back in soothing circles. "It's okay." He reassured "You don't have to meet them right now. They fly out next Friday so we have some time."

"Thank you." Grateful for the reprieve Reid showered him with kisses before rushing off to find the rest of his clothes. "Can you distract them while I sneak out?" He called over his shoulder.

"Anything for you."

Reid was so intent on his escape that he missed his boyfriend's sad reply.


	2. Chapter 2

Morgan flung the limp white arm off his chest and rolled off the unmade bed. He swayed when he got to his feet, the aftereffects of the late night binge drinking mingling nausea with shame. The unfamiliar bedroom was just beginning to fill with the early morning light and he stumbled around trying to find his clothes in the semi dark.

The stranger rolled over seductively arching his back. "Come back to bed." He begged.

Morgan searched the room faster at the hoarse plea finally spotting his jeans on the messy floor. "I gotta go, I'm late." He bent over pulling at the dark material that had stuck on something under the bed.

"Will I see you again?" Morgan shuddered as knowing fingers traced down his spine.

"No" He said rudely. Somehow he managed to get dressed despite the mix of accusations, insults and promises that were flung at him. Tearing out of there he raced out side to find his ride.

A frantic search of his pockets when he reached his car yielded nothing. "Fuck!" His keys must have fallen out some point last night but there was no way in hell he was going back up there.

Kneeling in the dirt he reached underneath the step bumper for the spare key he had taped there weeks ago. After a wild night of ill-advised skinny-dipping with some guy whose name and face he no longer remembered he had lost them in a Jacuzzi. He'd had ample time the next day to berate himself on his walk of shame home, which was especially humiliating on a Sunday morning when families were heading to church. At that point instead of slowing the partying down he hid a spare key under his car further feeding his self-destructive behavior. He made the same promise that morning that he did today. No more drinking and partying and definitely no more fucking the slew of boy toys with haunted eyes that bowed to his will.

After a half hour at home spent punishing himself in the ice cold shower he drove into work parking at his usual spot dreading the sight of Reid that he had to endure day after day.

It was Wednesday. He checked his phone to be sure. Yes, Wednesday. Hotch and Rossi always invited him for poker night and like clockwork he declined. The way they examined with curiosity and pity was unsettling and it was easier to avoid their company than put up with it. Today he would accept their invitation the self-destructive behavior had to stop.

For a moment he rested his head on the supple leather of the steering wheel and closed his eyes. His bitch of a hangover was just starting to manifest. The night came to him in a carnal blur of limbs and tongues; the urgent lust with which he'd dragged that guy home had slaked long before morning. It started the same way almost every night, the promise that he'd leave after one drink. Then they caught his attention with one little detail; their hazel eyes, long necks, a slim back or the same laugh. In his drunken state they were close enough to pass but come morning all that was left was regret and a fucking hangover.

Morgan stumbled out of his SUV ducking just as Reid drove past with his boyfriend who was dropping him off at precisely 8 o'clock like he did every single day. The long lingering kiss stirred Morgan's ire and after the first time he witnessed it he timed it carefully so he never had to see them.

Somehow he'd forgotten and this was his punishment. Irritated with himself, Reid and the world he turned bumping into a soft flower scented cushion.

Fuckfuckfuck! "Don't say it, Garcia." He warned brushing past her.

"It's been six months. Six whole months, personally I didn't think you'd last six days." She hurried after him. "Thanks for losing me the pool by the way."

"You are betting on this."

"Consider it payback for all those months you lied to me."

"I couldn't talk about it. I still don't want to talk about him so drop it. Okay?" He thought of taking the stairs so he could shake her but his pounding head wouldn't let him. It was going to be a long fucking day.

"One last question?" She begged. "Then I will shut it down I promise."

Exasperated Morgan swung around. "What?"

"How long are you going to wait to get him back?"

"He's happy."

"You are not."

"As long as he's happy I can manage. I always have."

"So?" She cocked a hip, a hot pink nail taping her matching lips. "By manage you mean the drunken hookups that look enough like him in the dark to take the edge off?"

Morgan froze. Usually he picked his random lovers up at the gay bar across town where no one knew him but last night he'd slipped when they'd all gone clubbing. Foolishly he'd hoped everyone had been too drunk to notice. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"You are not as slick as you think you are." Fuckfuckfuck! "I saw you leave with that tall skinny brunette last night."

"Baby girl, please. Please just leave it alone." He stormed off.

"What if they get married?" She called.

"That's two questions." Morgan swiped his card in the lobby heading for the wall of elevators, Garcia right on his heels. "They won't get married. It is a phase, like all relationships, it will end."

"That's your plan? Hope Reid gets dumped and you swoop in there. I'm a little disappointed."

"I do not have a plan. NO PLAN." He stabbed at the up button like that would make it move faster. "What I have is work, which I need to get to right now."

"Alex asked JJ about rings."

"When?" He spun to face her only to meet her cheeky grin. "Dammit Garcia, that didn't happen did it?"

"It could have happened."

"Except it didn't. Why are you actively trying to drive me nuts? I have apologized a million times for not telling you." Morgan jumped into the elevator car when it arrived. He exhaled determined to ignore her. At the last second a hand stopped the doors from closing and he looked up exasperated at the delay until Reid hopped on. He uttered a shy good morning from lips still rosy from his morning's activities before retreating to a corner. With Garcia at the other end Morgan felt trapped.

He angled his body so he could not see Garcia gesturing at him and not bump into Reid at the same time. The same Reid who was staring intently at the blinking floor lights taking shallow breaths probably as desperate to get out of the narrow space as he was.

Garcia hummed before leaning over to check them both out. "My god, this is awkward." She said. "Is it always this awkward? Remember when you used to be the bestest of friends. Of course I found out later that that's when you two were knocking boots. No one told me."

Morgan turned glaring at her. "You are not helping." He snapped under his breath. Reid edged further away from him. His eyes darted about probably looking for an escape route.

"You are grumpy today." Garcia made a face at him. "What's the matter handsome? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?"

A sharp pain slashed through Morgan's chest at her words. This is what a heart attack must feel like but before he died he was taking Garcia with him. He stumbled back finding a prime position in which to strangle her for when the doors opened.

She merely glanced back at him and shrugged ignoring his irritated expression. Sidling up to Reid she bumped him with a well-padded hip. "Reid? Would you like to have lunch?"

"Um…" Reid threw him a deer in headlights look. "Su-re."

"Great." Garcia beamed at him when the doors slid open. "Morgan's free. You two have fun and bring me back a small salad. I don't want to ruin my diet." Then she darted off leaving behind two shell-shocked occupants.

Cursing her very existence Morgan turned to a stunned Reid as the doors slid shut trapping them inside. "We don't have to have lunch..."

"It's okay."

Morgan faced forward again. He should push a button or something. "Okay." He said. "1 o'clock is good for me. You?"

"1 is okay."

"Okay." Morgan echoed, the worlds' most awkward lunch coming right up. When he escaped the elevator he went after Garcia.

Bursting into her office he snarled. "What was that? I told you to leave it alone."

"Like I listen to you." She tossed back flippantly before swinging round on her chair. She scrutinized him from head to foot then leaned back with a small smug smile. "Don't tell me you're not dancing on the inside right now?"

"I'm dancing so hard on the inside I may throw up on you." His bad mood deflated. "Please just let it go. He left, okay? It was hard enough the first time. I don't want to go through it again."

Garcia at least had the grace to look ashamed. "I am sorry. I will not bring it up again." She picked at her nails. "I didn't mean to hurt you I just hate that you're sad."

"I know."

She perked up at his forgiveness. Morgan groaned and headed for the door when the crazy twinkle popped back in her eye. "I scored you a lunch." She yelled. "Don't waste it."

Morgan spent all morning trying to lose himself in cold cases, he briefly thought of going to take his frustrations out at the gun range but he didn't want to leave the building. Garcia's words beckoned, hope and all her treachery weaving possibilities and dreams. He paused more than once to remind himself that this is exactly why he hadn't told her about his relationship with Reid. She believed in happily ever after, he didn't. Life did not work like that; all it did was gobble up dreamers.

"The meek shall inherit the earth, my ass!" He muttered digging through his cabinets.

By the time the soft knock came at the door he had worked up into quite a state. "Come in." He yelled still muttering softly.

"I'm I early?" Reid peered at the clock over Morgan's head.

"No. No. You're right on time." Morgan reassured him. "I got distracted."

"You want to cancel, or postpone?"

Morgan ignored the hope in Reid's wide eyes and grabbed his leather jacket. "I'm ready. Let's go."

The journey out the building was awkward for both of them. Crestfallen Reid marched beside him keeping plenty of distance between them, convicts making the green mile were a lot happier than he was. Morgan struggled for something to put him at ease but was at a loss for what to say so they took refuge in silence.

Reid craned his neck looking back as Morgan drove past their favorite restaurant. "Why don't we go there?" He asked.

"Do you want human DNA with your Moo Shu?"

"It has been months." Reid referred to their fight that exploded inside that very restaurant. "Maybe she has forgotten."

"Do you know any women? Or their ability to keep grudges?" Morgan shot him an incredulous look. "You tried to disembowel her with a menu. I guarantee you she has not forgotten."

Reid sank back into his seat and let Morgan drive. He resolutely kept facing out the window, left alone his eyes like his thoughts tended to wander to his fantasies. But he'd come to this lunch armed with good intentions, he missed his best friend and he wanted him back. So much was happening in his life that he needed to tell Morgan. Except he couldn't because of their stupid history and it hurt.

They eventually settled on a diner that neither of them had been to. It had a casual atmosphere, that locals that filed in for lunch were a noisy crowd and they were sat in a booth next to large windows that opened up to the sidewalk that had a lot of foot traffic. It was perfect. Neither of them would find a meal there even vaguely romantic.

Small talk about work and their team helped ease them into less tense friendlier territory and Reid started to relax. An old chubby waitress took their order without as much as a wink in Morgan's direction making this miles better than their last dining experience. The food arrived on time and they both dug in. Morgan teased him about eating rabbit food and Reid mocked his steak. It was nice. Sitting there with Morgan was nice.

"He wants me to meet his parents." Reid blurted out. Obviously he had gotten too relaxed. It had been almost like old times when they'd been just friends until he ruined it. "Forget I said anything."

Morgan looked at Reid's stricken face, as his fork banged against the ceramic plate. Parents. Crap. Parents led to engagements, which led to marriages. Damn Garcia. He needed to know how much time he had. To do what, he chided himself. He had no plan. "Do you want to meet them?" He asked reluctantly.

"You don't have to listen to this."

"Just…out with it."

"I don't want to meet them but I think I should." Reid sipped at his coffee. "I'm not good with new people. What if they hate me?"

Morgan wanted to ask him why he bothered if things were that hard then it made sense to walk away. Walking away was what he'd always done and he'd ended up here so it was obviously terrible advice.

"Just be yourself. They will love you."

Reid nodded. "Now give me your real answer."

"Your first impression is not great." Morgan hesitated when Reid's face fell.

"Continue" Reid insisted. "I asked because you always tell me the truth."

"They are his parents. First impressions are important especially if you are going to be in each others lives forever or for a little while." Even as Morgan began to tick them off on his fingers he wondered why he was helping Reid advance his relationship. Maybe because he couldn't bear to hurt him more than he already had. "If you can manage a handshake, then do it. If you can't then let him warn them in advance so you can avoid the weird pause. Do not wave at them like a crazy person. Take an interest in their lives. Do not bring up religion or politics."

"I feel like I should be taking notes."

"You're smart." Morgan dismissed. "You'll remember."

Reid picked at his salad ignoring the dig at his intelligence.

"Smile." Morgan continued his lecture. "Not like that." He said when Reid bared his teeth at him.

"That is my normal smile." Reid defended massaging his cheeks, which did feel a little strained. He looked up catching Morgan staring at him. Yanking his hands from his face he tucked them under the table. "What?" He demanded starting to squirm.

"Coffee ice cream"

Subconsciously Reid felt his cheeks lift into a radiant smile.

"Smile like that." Morgan dipped his fry in HP sauce and used it to point at him. "Exactly like that. Look at them like they are your two favorite things on earth; Mama Caffeine and Papa Sugar" He popped the coated French fry into his mouth and licked the dark residue off his index finger.

Reid smiled faintly at his joke, his eyes glued to the digit dipping into Morgan's mouth. He leaned forward at the hypnotic pink swipe of his tongue.

"Reid?"

He jerked when Morgan called his name meeting his amused gaze with shame. Absolutely mortified that he was caught ogling him Reid jerked to his feet aborting the plan halfway when he realized he would flash his considerable bulge to the entire restaurant. "I – uh I-I-" He stammered plopping back to his seat. On the way down he knocked over his cup, the precious coffee dregs spreading across the hard wood and dripping to the floor. God, he hadn't been this unnerved in months. "Ah!" He groaned frustrated. These feelings should have passed; he had tried so hard to move on.

Reid could hear the object of his ridiculous obsession snickering. "You're an ass." He snapped.

"I know." Morgan passed him the napkins, Reid reached for them and tugged surprised to be meeting resistance he glanced up. The dejected look on Morgan's face was unexpected. "Isn't that why you left me?"

Leaning back Reid dropped the paper napkins and they fell useless to his plate. He hadn't prepared for this, hadn't thought about them in detail since they broke up. The thought of facing who he had been, needy and desperate terrified him. Especially since with one gesture from Morgan he could forget everything and just go back to him, easily, happily. He thought of Alex, bringing him to mind like a believer would a cross to a vampire but for the life of him couldn't remember his face. Not even one tiny detail. Larger than life Morgan obliterated all traces of his boyfriend, until the name also meaningless was cast away.

The loud buzzing of Morgan's cellphone matched the phone in his coat pocket. He didn't need to check to know that they had a case. With relief he got up and sped out of the diner leaving Morgan to clear their bill.


	3. Chapter 3

**_ Now _ **

Reid leaned back. Every movement of his head sent a spike right through his brain tipping him back towards an unconscious state. Fighting to stay awake he opened his eyes, blinking as he was met by pitch black. He lowered his lids and raised them again and again hoping for some relief from the all-encompassing darkness. No such luck. His heart began to pound in his chest, fear surfacing with each heaving breath.

A thick viscous liquid skirted through his hair follicles sliding down his ear. He tried to lift his hand to brush it away but found that both wrists were bound tightly behind his back. Chill, from contact with the bare floor rose through his cotton trousers straight to his butt cheeks that were freezing cold. He must have been trapped there awhile. Trussed up like a Christmas goose, his knobby knees were pressed up against his chest increasing his discomfort. The more he wriggled the tighter his bindings became until he gasped for air.

Groaning through dry cracked lips, he attempted to clear his head. Panic wasn't going to get him out of this harrowing situation. "Focus" He wheezed for the second time that day. He had to be smart if he was to get out alive. "Focus"

The last thing he remembered was leaving the station with Officer Bennett to check out the latest victim's home. Nathan Hubbard and his 10-year-old son, Matthew had been missing for the past 6 days. The cops had cleared the mansion as a crime scene days ago since there were no signs of foul play. The Hubbard men had been there one day and gone the next.

A hunch had made Reid leave the rest of the team and head back to the house. Hotch had let him go, both of them sure it was just a routine check up. Nothing was supposed to have gone wrong. The bump on the back of his head begged to differ.

xxXxx

**_ 22 hours earlier, FBI Jet. _ **

Reid shifted in his seat resting his elbow on the armrest and holding onto the brown file in his lap. His sneakered foot brushed Morgan's boots and he jerked them away tucking both feet as far away as he could underneath his chair. He glanced up hoping the subtle movement had gone unnoticed. Hotch's raised eyebrow and Rossi's smirking shot that to bits. Picking at his nails he studied the distance between Morgan's thigh and his. When he had fled the diner earlier he had hoped to get a reprieve from Morgan's presence. But right now the incredibly roomy jet felt cramped especially since they had to sit close for the briefing.

Reid ducked his head flipping through the file again. He had it memorized the first time but none of the information registered as much as the exact distance of Morgan's knee to his own.

"Focus" He mouthed trying to follow Hotch's measured cadences.

"He's pushing them, he wants to know at what point they will break from grief."

"I don't understand." Garcia's tinny voice sounded completely puzzled even from a great distance.

"What would you do if at the end of every month someone you loved died?" Hotch paused letting that horrifying bit of information sink in. "If month after month like clockwork they died from seemingly random events?"

"Oh God!" She echoed from the laptop speakers. "He's trying to drive them nuts by killing off their families."

"Not just that." Morgan rumbled next to Reid. "These are quintessential macho men who have looked death in the eye and not flinched."

Rossi looked up from his notebook expounding. "The last victim, Lieutenant Mark White was a decorated officer who survived the first and second Gulf war. He survived Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan. January 31st 2012, he gets a call; his father suddenly slipped into a coma and died. That's easy to explain he was old, old people die all the time. Then February 29th his sister dies in a hit and run, the perpetrator was never found. March 31st his closest friend is gunned down in a drive by shooting."

"No two murders are the same." Morgan interrupted. "They could be easily interpreted as just bad luck. Random acts of God even."

"Yes except for the timing." Rossi continued. "April 30th his brother Luke, the family black sheep OD's on a tainted batch of cocaine. Can you imagine the kind of fear and desperation he must have felt the closer he got to May 30th?"

"Well, sending his wife and kids away didn't help." JJ laid out the color photographs of 29 yr. old Julia White and her 5-year-old twin daughters, Madison and Karen. "There was a gas leak at her sister's cottage in Montauk. It wiped out the rest of the family."

"And on June 1st, after receiving the news of their death, Mark White ate his gun." Rossi placed the photo of a smiling Mark White in his dress blues on top of the pile. "This was taken late January just before his father died. To go from that –" He placed the coroners photo on top. "To this in the space of months, is unthinkable."

For a moment profound feelings of disquiet rocked the cabin. The six occupants dwelled on their own families and how much loss would make them break.

"This unsub has so far claimed 37 victims over the course of four years." Prentiss broke the silence reading from the chart. "Of all ages, races, creeds…he doesn't discriminate. How did he go unnoticed for long?"

"He crisscrossed the country, jumping from state to state, tracking down his victims before he struck." JJ explained. "Connecting a mugging gone wrong in Sacramento to an electrocution in Des Moines to the same killer is virtually impossible. It only came to our attention through a death conspiracy blogger."

"And it was easy to get confused because there were so many victims however when we narrowed it down we discovered that the fathers were the primary targets." Hotch circled their names on a piece of paper holding it up. "So far there have been 6 main victims. Everybody else was related to those 6. Their deaths were a mere means to an end."

"The loss of an entire family in a short span of time is extremely rare." Rossi droned on. "Something similar must have happened to him at a young age but he survived. Maybe he's looking for a partner somebody who survives as well? Proving that he is just as strong as the unsub was?"

"He's lonely?"

Reid only half listened his knuckles whitening as he clenched his fists tight. His nails formed half moon shells in his palms. This was his worst nightmare, everybody he knew and loved dying and leaving him all alone. He itched to call the sanitarium even if his mother was in the middle of one of her episodes, her disjointed speech would be reassuring.

_You're not alone._ _You're not alone._

Reid knew he had people. As estranged as he was from his father, there was a certain comfort in knowing that he was out there somewhere, that as long as he lived Reid wasn't completely alone. He had Alex and everybody on this plane. His eyes touched on each of his teammates. Hotch and Rossi were amazing father figures. Emily, Penelope and JJ were his three big sisters who teased him and drove him insane but they were always there for him, no matter what. Then there was Morgan. _Morgan_. Reid's heart stuttered to a stop at the thought of anything happening to him.

In an attempt to drive out the dark thoughts, Reid shook his head pressing his palms to his eyes.

"Reid?"

"Yeah?" Reid straightened up finding everybody's eyes on him.

"Do you have anything else to add?"

"No" He uttered swallowing with great difficulty. Ignoring their concerned looks, he shoved to his feet and went to the kitchenette in the front. With his back to them, he closed his eyes and tried to breathe, leaning weakly on the counter.

After ten years at the BAU, he never got used to the atrocities one human being could visit on another and for the most part he numbed himself to their victims pain and fears. The last thing he expected was to face the one unsub that was tailored specifically for him.

A hand brushed his lower back and he jumped.

"Easy" Morgan whispered keeping an eye on their teammates who were all pretending not to watch them and failing. "Are you okay?"

Reid nodded jerkily his hair falling into his face as Morgan came round and took down one of the coffee mugs.

Heaped teaspoons added sugar to the steaming hot coffee, the stirring circling the white froth, hypnotic. "Please be careful." Reid mumbled his hand lifting of its own accord and wrapping around the stirring wrist.

Morgan stilled, the dark liquid splashing to the counter. He searched Reid's pale face, unashamed by the warmth he felt by the revelation that Reid was obviously worried about him. He still cared.

"I don't fit the profile."

"Yes you do."

"Only part of it."

"The crazy macho risk taking…"

"My mum and sisters are fine." He pacified pressing the large mug into Reid's cold hands. "You are fine." Morgan whispered wrapping his big hands around Reid's. "So stop worrying."

"Promise?"

Morgan had forgotten how dogged Reid could be when he got his teeth into something. "I promise."

xxXxx

**_ Now _ **

Reid hissed in pain wrenching his shoulder as he repeatedly tugged at his restraints. The metal cuffs jangled in the dark but didn't give. Exploring delicately with his fingertips he traced the thick rusty pipes of what felt like an old-fashioned radiator. He collapsed back; weary with defeat, struggling to breathe in the hot muggy room. Sweat mingled with blood coating his brow. The thick rope that bound his ankles to his thighs, dug into flesh that had long since gone numb. The tiny square room had a minute sliver of light streaming under the closed door. Reid squinted, without his glasses he could barely see two feet in front of him.

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." He mumbled sagging against the radiator.

Of course this happened to him, his concern had all been focused on Morgan when he should have been worrying about himself. Now he needed rescuing. Again. Frustrated he tugged at the cuffs, the noise they made against the metal rods filling the small room but he didn't care about alerting the unsub. Anything was better than sitting here in the dark waiting to die.

Suddenly he heard a heavy tread above him. Wooden floorboards squeaked and dust filled the air. Reid tried to hold his breath even as a sneeze escaped. The footsteps got fainter then much louder as they approached his side. With a loud smash, the door burst inward. Reid recoiled from the bright glare unable to form out individual features from the shadow of pure evil that stood in the doorway.

Pain screamed through his body, as he was roughly untied from the radiator. Red-hot flames rushing down his legs as blood refilled his numb limbs. He could barely think through the agony as he was hauled from the room, dragged up the stairs and dropped at the feet of Nathan Hubbard. The missing victim looked worse for wear, bloodied and bruised he held the unnaturally still form of his son in his arms.

Reid struggled to his knees spotting Officer Bennett who was propped up near the dilapidated fireplace; a single gunshot wound seeping from his skull.

The unsub kicked Reid, dropping him back to the floor. "I'll give you one chance to try and save him." He growled.


	4. Chapter 4

Reid grimaced as his hands hit the floorboards, a sharp wooden sliver tearing into his palm. He crouched at an uncomfortable angle. his legs still aching from the bondage rope. Looking around he tried to find to clues to use to get inside the unsub's head. Apart from his insatiable need to witness another's pain and grief they knew virtually nothing about him. Save him, he had said.  _Save him_.

Nathan Hubbard still rocked his son ignoring the power play between them. Reid crawled forward to check the child's pulse but he was knocked back to the floor. A heavy kick to his middle tossed him onto his side. The unsub limped towards him dragging his left foot. Reid blinked scuttling back; he rubbed the blood off his face into a wet crimson smear, getting the first clear look of the tall heavily bearded man. An abundance of facial hair shielded most of his features; the massive paw holding onto his side was also covered in hair, hair dripping with blood. Officer Bennett must have gotten a shot off before he got killed.

Reid tried to dodge his grip as the bloody fist grabbed onto his shirt collar and he was dragged to his feet. Jagged nails dug into his skin as the meaty fist wrapped around his neck.

"One chance." The unsub yelled shaking him. "You and Nate can leave, walk out of the door scot free, but only if the boy stays." Then he was flung him at the sobbing mess that was Nathan Hubbard. "And don't get smart, doctor. I have no use for you, don't make me kill you."

Reid scrambled to his feet as the heavy tread disappeared out of the room. He spun around surprised to find that the unsub had actually left them alone. It was a trick, it had to be. Either way if there was a chance to get out he had to take it while he could. Keeping an eye on the open doorway, Reid slowly approached the curled up man. When Reid reached out his hand, Nathan scrambled back pressing harder into the wall, holding tighter onto his son.

"Mr. Hubbard? Nathan?"

"I'm not leaving him." The man yelled. "I am not leaving him."

"Okay" Reid appeased taking a step back. "Of course not. Let me just look at his injuries." With no further objections, Reid picked up the boy's wrist. The cold flesh was lifeless beneath his; Reid knelt in front of them checking for a pulse that he knew he wouldn't find. Matthew had been dead for a while. Nathan resumed his rocking and murmuring.

"Nathan?"

"No." Nathan grabbed onto Reid hand and pulled it off of his son's wrist. When he spoke he voice was clear, certain. "I am staying with him."

"He will kill you."

"There's nothing left for me out there, no one." He looked up determined, tucking his boy closer to his chest. "You should go while you can."

Reid wanted nothing more than to tear out of there and leave this nightmare behind but it went against everything he believed in, as an agent and as a person. "I can't leave you behind."

"Then you will burn."

"Burn?"

Nathan let out a maniacal cackle. "That's his plan, to go out in a blaze of glory like some super villain." The mirthless laughter broke off into a choked sob. "I failed you, Matt." He stroked the boy's hair. "Daddy's so so sorry. I will not leave you alone to burn with that psycho. I will never leave you alone again."

Averting his eyes from the terribly intimate goodbye, Reid searched for a solution. "There has to be a way we could all get out of here." Reid stood up peeping out of the boarded up windows. There was nothing but dirt and rocks stretching out as far as the eye could see. It provided a clear view all the way to the horizon, not even a tree to provide an adequate hiding spot. Odds were the unsub could gun them down without even leaving the front porch but he had to try.

"No. I want to stay here with my son." Resigned, Nathan touched his forehead to Matthew's. "They are all gone. All of them, one after another after…it's just the two of us."

Reid spun around willing himself not to cry, maybe if he found a weapon but the room was bare of all but wood shavings and years of dust. His will collapsed under him leaving him shaking. He couldn't leave him.

"So?" A voice boomed behind them sending Reid scrambling. The unsub stood just inside the room with all the poise of a demented butler. "Who will be staying behind to take my dark little journey with me? I hear hell is nice this time of year." He wheezed laughing at his own joke.

Reid stepped between the maniac and Nathan in a bid to protect him but the latter shoved him aside.

"Go." Reid met his pleading look. Freedom beckoned, trilling a sweet siren song. Confused he turned round prepared to beg, bribe, anything for their lives and found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.

"Dr. Reid? I am not a patient man and you are ruining my going away party. So I will count to three." He cocked the gun. "One…"

Reid found himself outside the door. He had no clear memory of walking out, his feet rising of their own accord, one after another leading him away from the dilapidated cabin. The blast that leveled the area sent him flying as the heat from the blaze scorched his back. The emergency response team that stormed the area found him in a crumpled heap safely away from the raging inferno.

xxXxx

Morgan ripped off his earphones dropping them beside his iPod on the empty seat next to him. He had tried all genres from rap to jazz but nothing was helping tonight. After spending a day chasing the unsub that was basically a ghost, they'd found out too late that Reid was in trouble. He was supposed to have been safe at the abandoned house. Irrationally Morgan blamed himself, he should have known that Reid was in trouble. If things hadn't been so strained between them recently he would have called to check up on him.

Rubbing at his gritty eyes Morgan peered out into the dimly lit interior of the BAU jet.

Rossi sat closer to the front trying to read under the only lit lamp. Hotch slouched next to him with his eyes closed. The girls sat across from them both. Silent, JJ fiddled with her phone, Emily doing the same. All of them little islands of misery scattered around the plane.

He didn't need to turn to know exactly where Reid was. They hadn't spoken since Reid woke up at the back of the ambulance refusing to go to the hospital. Hotch had only been able to talk him into letting the paramedics stitch him up while Morgan hovered in the background feeling completely helpless. He focused on his face as if he would disappear if he blinked. He still felt that way, like he'd lost him.

Unable to stay away any longer, Morgan got up, invisible forces pushing him to the back of the plane where Reid sat isolated in the semi dark. As he took the seat next to him, Reid barely acknowledged his presence.

Morgan took his hand in his, lacing their fingers together marveling at the miracle of the warmth of Reid's hands in his. The details of his horrific kidnapping had trickled down in spurts through third parties. Morgan tilted his head enough to see the back of Reid's head covered in bandages. He knew exactly what was going on in his head, the guilt and the blame. "You tried." Morgan said squeezing his hand.

"I didn't." Reid replied squeezing his hand tightly with a slight tremor. Still he didn't turn just stared out the window into the dark night as they sped home.

xxXxx

Reid woke up in a panic, his heart racing, A heavy familiar body covered his own with a thick bicep wrapped around his middle holding him in place. The aqua cloud in which he was encased murmured endearments into his ear then pulled him closer.

"Morgan" He whispered as the confusion lifted. Most of his dreams started and ended like this, in his arms, safe, protected. Tucking his nose into Morgan's shoulder he breathed deeply savoring the moment until Morgan woke and he would have to go back to his real life without him.

As the larger man stirred, Reid clung to him needing more time to make up for all the things he could not say. Words that escaped his heart and his head, dying to be heard.

"M' sorry." Morgan woke finding Reid's eyes on him. I don't know why I keep doing that." Reluctantly he pulled away from the pale white body. Sitting up he flipped on the lamp on his side of the bed and rested his forehead in his palms wondering when he'd started giving Reid a side. Now wasn't the time to dissect his motives.

"Are you okay? You blacked out in the car and I just brought you here." He turned hoping Reid wasn't wondering why he hadn't put him in the guest room. "Does your head hurt? Let me get your pills."

Reid's hand twined with his as he got up off the bed and tugged him back down. Hours of emotional wear and tear showed on his face. "What can I do?" Morgan asked cupping his chin.

Reid leaned into his palm trapping Morgan's hand between his face and the pillow. His grin was wry and more than a little sad. "The whole time I was in there all I wanted to do was tell you how much I uh…." At the last moment he swallowed the words.

"Tell me what?" Morgan prompted.

"Nothing. It's nothing." Reid cut him off snuggling up to him.

Morgan scooted down holding Reid tighter, closer. His fingers lightly traced the bumpy spine through the thin t-shirt. A slim thigh was trapped between his as the slight body draped across his. His thumb caressed the downy curve of his cheek as gusts of air brushed his neck with every time he exhaled. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips to the cool forehead, savoring what might be the last time he held him.

"I love you."

His eyes snapped open when Reid spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you forget the way to go,
> 
> And lose where you came from,
> 
> If no one is standing beside you,
> 
> Be still and know I am.
> 
> Be Still – The Fray


	5. Chapter 5

"I love you, I love you, I love you" The refrain filled Morgan's head matching the staccato in his heels. He stumbled to a stop from the brisk jog resting his palms on his knees breathing heavily. His early morning run took more out of him than usual, maybe because he wasn't with Clooney or maybe more importantly because Reid had dropped an emotional bomb in his lap and then nodded off. No matter how much Morgan had shaken him, under the influence of the pain pills Reid had failed to rouse.

Having spent a long night holding him and battling a cold sweat, Morgan had left his bed and his genius and gone for a run. Automatically following the familiar route, music blasting in his ears he tried not to take Reid at his word.

He had had a hell of a day. After being abducted Reid had drifted in an emotional fog, he was tired, had suffered a head injury. Any of those factors could have culminated in an ill advised 'I love you". While his confession had seemed heartfelt but it could just as easily been an after effect of his trauma. He'd been abandoned with the unsub for hours on end on a highly personal case that ended in the death of three people, his fears of failure would have come into play leading him to cling to the first available warm body. It didn't help that Morgan had spirited him away and tucked him into his bed without giving him the option of calling his boyfriend.

Banishing the selfish act from his mind, Morgan set off at a grueling pace. The solid concrete met his feet with a solid whack building up into a rhythm as he raced down the block, early morning shadows dogging his steps.

Jogging every day before work cleared his head like nothing else. The ritual successfully drained his mind of troubling thoughts and lingering nightmares even as he pushed his body to the limit. The sooner he hit his daily mark the sooner he could go home. Home. To Reid.

"Dammit" He swore collapsing to an unattended stoop. He couldn't outrun his ghosts, not today, certainly not the very pretty, exhausted ghost that was home in his bed. Not to mention the looming problem of his ghost's very real boyfriend. There was no doubt in Morgan's mind that Alex was a good man. Reid was happy with him. Lately he'd been relaxed, easy in his skin. The little weight he'd put on suited him and being exposed to a whole other world separate from serial killers and death was good for him.

Morgan flexed his wrists then retied his running shoes. Torn, he rubbed his palms on his knees, leaning back on his elbows. He wasn't sure what to do about Reid's confession. Even over the brief time they'd been together he hadn't known how to keep Reid happy. He was short tempered; selfish and covered Reid in bruises every chance he got. They fell apart at the slightest problem. Then Morgan groaned dropping his head he remembered all his recent sexual activities. There was no way he was telling Reid about that, if he did love him Morgan wasn't going to give him reason to stop.

"Yup. Selfish." He muttered getting to his feet. All the way home he kept up the illusion of debate, the illusion that he would give Reid a chance to go back on his word and the closer he got to his condo the harder he lied to himself because if there was a chance for him to get Reid back he was going to take it, no matter how bad he was for him.

Morgan tore his iPod off his arm; the thumping bass that had accompanied his debate was cut off mid song. Unlocking his door he stepped inside, it was quiet and for a moment he thought Reid had gone home. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted from the kitchen, he followed, praying with every step that Reid was still around. He was. Fully dressed he sat in his living room on the window seat; his knees were drawn up to his chest, the mug clasped loosely in both hands.

"You're still here." Morgan pronounced almost rolling his eyes at the stupid statement.

"Yeah"

Morgan's heart sunk, noting that Reid spoke at him, instead of to him as his eyes darted all over the place even as he swung round carefully and placed his bare feet firmly on the carpet. At a loss of something better to say, Morgan inquired. "Shouldn't you still be in bed?"

"I wanted to talk about…about last night." Reid focused on the mug in his hand putting it aside before he dropped it. His hands were shaking so hard but determination overrode any sense of self-preservation he had left. "About what I said."

Reid knew what he had said; he knew exactly how he felt. JJ had been right his feelings were so big and consuming and no matter how scared he was of Morgan hurting him again, he couldn't keep running. Memories of Nathan whispering to his son played on a loop reminding him how fragile life was. They had a job that jeopardized their lives on a daily basis neither of them could say how long they had left. One second with the love of his life was all he asked.

Reid finally looked up searching Morgan's face for clues. He wanted to be able to see his rejection coming. Floundering a little as he was unable to tell what he was thinking or feeling Reid pressed on.

"I love you." He said.

"Reid?"

"Don't say anything." He rushed devouring Morgan with his eyes. "I love you" Reid chewed on his lip choosing his words carefully before laying it all on the line. "And I want to be with you. If I'm not…I mean if that's not want you want…"

"It is." Morgan stepped forward, stepped up. "You are."

Reid sagged back in his seat, suddenly boneless with relief. "I am?" He questioned convinced his mind was playing tricks on him.

"Yes" Outside of declarations of love and flowery language, Morgan's conviction and unwavering stare was the best response he could have gotten.

"I'm going to tell him." He preempted then clarified. "Alex. I'm going to tell him that we are over." When Morgan crossed the room and sat next to him, Reid felt his relief. He might not have been whopping for joy but it is definitely what he wanted too.

"Right now?"

"I can't put it off any longer." Reid cleared his throat as he got to his feet.

"Wait" Morgan grabbed his elbow getting up as well. "Do you feel well enough to drive or get into a big emotional discussion? It could get ugly."

"With Alex? No way." Having spent months with his boyfriend – soon to be ex-boyfriend, Reid knew his moods and reactions and that he was more likely to walk away than start a fight but it wasn't an argument he could present to Morgan. "I will take a cab." He insisted firmly.

Unwilling to let him out of sight; Morgan tightened his grip. "I could come with you." He offered. There was a chance that Reid's decision that had come seemingly out of nowhere would fizz out just as fast and he would remember that Alex was the one he really wanted.

"No" Even though he was scared, Reid knew he had to do it alone. He owed Alex that much. "I have to do it by myself and having you there will not make it any easier."

"Reid?"

"You can't protect me from everything. Just – um – one thing…" Suddenly ridiculously shy Reid wrung his hands together and stared at the floor. He blinked rapidly as he made his request. "Maybe I could come over later and we could have dinner. Like the first time when we..." He flushed.

"Like a do over?" Morgan chuckled. "Or do you want another chance to finish the job?"

Reid's head snapped up and he huffed challenging Morgan's grin. "For the last time, I was not trying to kill you."

"I know." Morgan raised his hand dropping it before it reached Reid's face. "I also know that I have given you plenty of reason to hate me over the past couple of months." He choked up a bit. "I don't deserve a second chance but I want one. So, dinner is a great start and this time I will take care of everything. You just come back to me okay?"

Reid gave him the sweetest smile and nodded. "Okay"

Hours later, Morgan slammed his front door behind him, heading for his truck. He had heard neither hide nor hair from Reid since he waved gaily at him from the cab that morning. Putting aside his pride was hard especially since everything pointed to Reid coming to his senses and deciding to stay with his boyfriend. Morgan cursed the gallant decision to let him go break things off in person. His first choice to drag Reid to bed and never let him leave would have kept him home where he belonged. Tons of people had been broken up with over text and email; Alex was tough he would have survived.

Morgan jumped into the car, started up the engine and tore out of his parking space. The dark thoughts of clobbering Reid over the head and dragging him back to his lair by the hair were very appealing.


	6. Chapter 6

Reid tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The back of his head bounced against the hard leather robbing him of comfort as he tried to escape what had been without a doubt one of the worst moments of his life. Every happy feeling he'd had since leaving Morgan leaked out of him until he remained a hollowed out husk of despair.

"You okay?" He heard.

"I'm alright." He answered automatically.

Opening his eyes, Reid blinked at the bright glare of the afternoon sun as it bounced off the side mirror. He dodged the concerned looks the grandfatherly cabbie kept throwing him until the weight of his empathy forced him to get out and find another cab.

Reid stood on the sidewalk sweating in his heavy coat despite the fact that he was freezing as he flagged down yet another yellow cab and hopped in. Luckily this driver was too busy yelling at pedestrians through the unlit cigarette clamped between his teeth to acknowledge his passenger's emotional state.

To Reid's relief the interminable ride finally ended as they pulled to a stop outside his building. Without bothering to count it he pushed a wad of cash into the unconcerned man's outstretched palm and scrambled out of the car. Keeping his head down, he waved at Mr. Wilson as the old man hang out of his window watering his plants, probably surprised to see Reid during the day. The short elevator ride took him to his floor and a short walk to the refuge of his home.

As Reid collapsed to his couch, he kicked off his shoes and curled up on his side. He vaguely recalled that Morgan was expecting him but his well-worn pajamas and the jar of Halloween sugar cookies were much nearer. At some point he would move, he thought while dragging a cushion under his head. It was squishy against his skin as he burrowed into it trying to drown out his thoughts but Alex's words mingled with the seeds that already infested his soul and doubt snuck in through the fabric, insidious and damaging.

He had made a huge mistake.

No matter how hard he pressed the soft material into his ears he could still hear Alex's voice in his head. Could clearly remember his derision when Reid tried to explain that he was in love with Morgan.

xxXxx

"Morgan?" Alex had questioned. "Derek Morgan? Your best friend? The resident BAU manwhore? That Morgan." His voice kept getting higher until he was yelling at the end.

Reid backed away alarmed by the volume and the troubling array of emotions that crisscrossed his face.

"Answer me?"

"Yes" Reid peeped at him while Alex made a visible effort to get his rage under control.

"How long has this been going on? Have you been fucking him all this time? On your long frequent 'work' trips?"

Reid reeled back in shock. "No. I haven't…I wasn't with him behind you back." He defended. Even though he had technically cheated on him that one time. When he stumbled forward and Alex stepped back his face unreadable, Reid stopped his arms dropping useless to his sides. "I am sorry. I didn't want to…" He swallowed choking back tears.

"Didn't want to what? Completely fuck with me. I love you… and I thought you…God, how I could I have been so blind?" Leaning on his desk Alex stared out the window at the high rises in the distance. "Loved" He then corrected and continued in a hoarse whisper. "I knew that you weren't completely committed to me the first time which is why I left but you came to me in Boston and you seemed so sure." His eyes collided with Reid pining him to the spot. "Was that all a lie?"

"N-N-No." Reid quaked, finding Alex's quiet even more terrifying than the shouting. He jerked when Alex groaned dropping his face into his open palms. Itching to go to him, he shifted in place not knowing what to do. Alex surely wouldn't welcome his touch at this point.

"My parents are supposed to meet you today." Alex gave a short mirthless laugh. "I spent all week racking my brain for ways that would make it easier for you. Guess, I won't need them now."

"I could still meet them." Reid offered desperate for absolution. "You don't have to tell them yet. We could…"

"What? Pretend? I can't do that. I'm not you." Getting to his feet, Alex walked over to the large windows. "You should go." He dismissed.

Reid stared at his broad back at a loss for words. It wasn't supposed to end like this, with this painful nothing. He wanted to tell him that he loved him just not the way that he was supposed to; the time they had spent together meant something but the gap between them grew with every passing unfilled minute.

"Just go." Alex snapped. "Please"

With heavy steps Reid made the journey across Alex's office. The décor before him reduced to wet wavy lines as his vision blurred. He sniffed hard, his hand on the brass handle as he tried to get himself under control. He didn't need the world knowing they'd broken up. Especially not the employees who had been so supportive of their relationship and welcomed him with open arms. Would they hate him too now?

When Alex spoke, he turned around hoping for a reprieve from this terrible interlude but there was none to be found.

"You picked the wrong guy and you are going to regret it." He said his hard gaze boring into Reid even worse than his words. "When he breaks your heart and he will, you don't get to come back to me like nothing happened." As Reid left, the 'Goodbye Spencer' pursued him into the void.

xxXxx

Morgan jumped the curb screeching to a halt outside Reid's apartment. Ignoring his haphazard parking that took up three spaces, he tore into the building bypassing the buzzer as he ducked under the arm of a mom struggling to enter with groceries and a toddler. Taking the stairs two at a time he reached inside his jacket pocket for Reid's spare key as he got to his door.

Morgan pressed his forehead on the hard wood as muted light and sound streaked under the door. Reid was home. Fear replaced rage making his hand tremble over the small metallic key, which dug into his palm as he tightened his hold on it. Reid was home, meaning he wasn't being held against his will, he had chosen not to return. With dread, he opened the door and pushed into the semi dark following the sound of the TV to the living room.

The only light was from the old fashioned television that was playing an old black and white film with a familiar monster that had bolts through his neck. Morgan shuddered turning away. He hated scary movies.

"It's the 'Bride of Frankenstein'." Reid spoke from the couch.

Approaching the pile of blankets, Morgan sat next to him as Reid merely moved his feet remaining glued to the action onscreen the entire time.

"It didn't go well did it?" He asked.

Reid pulled the thick blanket over his head tunneling into the warm cocoon it provided. "He hates me." He murmured squeaking when Morgan yanked the blanket off his face and dragged him upright.

"Come here." Morgan ordered opening his arms. Reid tucked his feet under his thighs and shifted position falling onto Morgan's chest in a little ball of misery. Morgan took his time tucking the thick material around both of them. Knowing for sure that Alex was out of the picture he could afford to be kind.

"He doesn't hate you."

"Yes he does." Reid insisted. "He said things…" He thought of elaborating but then thought better of it. Especially since Morgan had been sexually promiscuous in the past, it wasn't really much of an insult if it was true.

"Baby, he was mad because you broke up with him. I bet he didn't mean half the things he said."

"Really?" Reid popped up so abruptly his skull clipped Morgan in the chin. "Then maybe if I talk to him again, he will understand that I didn't mean to hurt him."

"No" Morgan brushed the hair out of his eyes. "You have to let him be mad at you for awhile."

"But…" Reid deflated. "He was my friend."

"Oh angel!" Morgan ached at the sadness and confusion in his voice. "He is still your friend." Gathering him back into his arms, Morgan hugged him hard before stroking his back. "When he's not so pissed off, he will remember that you would never hurt anyone on purpose. He knows that you are a good man and you have the softest heart and he will come around. You just have to give him some time."

Reid sighed unhappily before nodding. He snuggled closer into Morgan's chest, listening to the sound of his heart beat through his shirt. He loved him so much and he couldn't imagine surviving if they broke up. "How do people do this all the time?"

"Not well. The first couple of times are the worst after that you learn how to keep something of yourself back so you aren't completely destroyed when the other person leaves."

Reid wondered if that's what Morgan was doing now, with him, holding something back just in case. He didn't want to know the answer to that so he just said. "I'm scared."

"I'm scared too. ' Morgan murmured kissing the soft shell of his ear. He chuckled when Reid threw him an incredulous look. "I promise…" He kissed his forehead. "You are not in this alone. I feel everything you feel." He held him as the movie played on wondering what was going through his genius' head as Frankenstein's monster cried and destroyed the lab after his bride rejected him. As the credits rolled, Morgan refused to move realizing he was happier than he'd been in long time.

"I'm sorry." Reid whispered sleepily into his collar. "I ruined our first date."

"There will be other dates to come, as many as you want…unless you've changed your mind about us."

Suddenly wide-awake, Reid sat up. "I haven't." He promised. As apprehensive as he was about their future, he had made his choice. He knew exactly who Morgan was and he loved him just the same. There was no turning back.


	7. Chapter 7

For a long moment Reid stared at the long lines of Morgan's body reclining on his couch. His eyes darted to the strong dark fingers resting on his knee, on the worn cotton of his pajamas that held a smattering of cookie crumbs. Dusting them off quickly he looked up hoping Morgan had missed that nerdy moment. He hadn't. Hooded eyes followed his every move. With Morgan's back to the light and the flickering TV light throwing his face in the shade it was hard to make out his expression.

Nervously Reid chewed on his bottom lip wondering what to say. After months of scheming then pining then giving up he'd finally gotten what he wanted and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

"What happens now?" Reid had no idea why he was whispering. His breath escaping him in a little sigh as light delicate touches traced up the inside of his thigh.

"Come here." Morgan said, his voice different than before. Gravelly. Commanding. Reid knelt up on the cushion and swung a leg over straddling him. It was supposed to be smooth; graceful instead he wobbled, Morgan grabbing him just before he tipped back. Grabbing onto the muscled shoulder Reid dug his knees deeper for more leverage a nervous giggle escaping.

He swayed forward as ghostly touches grazed up his arm the tiny hairs standing up, goose bumps forming in their wake. Shudders jerked through him, his forehead bumping Morgan's.

"What do you want?" Morgan's words rumbled against his lips, noses brushing. "Reid?" His lids dropped to half-mast, Morgan's hands digging into his upper arms. The feeling of rightness that coursed through him at the first touch of their lips defied words. He felt exposed, weak, humbled, terrified and jubilant. His heart swelled too small to contain the enormity of his love for this man.

"You okay?" Morgan looked at him with concern thumbing the tear off his cheek.

"M' Perfect" Reid murmured winding his long arms around his neck, kissing him in his next breath. Their teeth clash because he rushed at him too fast but then Morgan slides his hand into his hair and slashed his mouth over his and then it really is perfect. With bodies heaving and grinding they remained in the desperate clinging kiss.

Reid moaned as his painfully hard erection pressed against the snug pajama bottoms. Touch me. The words caught in his throat when one big hand slid under his shirt abrading the hot skin.

"I want to hear you." Morgan commanded.

"Touch me."

"Like this?" He asked, kissing softly down his jaw, his finger caressing his lower abdomen.

"No, no – N-O!" Reid mewled forcing himself closer. The ridge of his cock rubbing on Morgan's abdomen their clothing impeding his progress. "Gimme more – harder!"

When Morgan yanked him by the hair and bit down hard on his lower lip Reid wailed into his mouth, needful little sounds that increased in intensity with the slow burn across his scalp.

"Take this off." Morgan tugged at his shirt, rough and forceful.

At the raw hunger in his tone, Reid moaned and jerked attacking the tiny buttons, the press of Morgan's hands into his thighs the only thing tethering him to reality.

His ratty shirt slipped to the floor unheeded exposing his sensitive pink nipples that hardened to pinpricks under the heated gaze. Reid trembled and Morgan gave them a gentle squeeze, rubbing the pads of his thumbs on the responsive tips. He fumbled for his cock as it spat precum soaking the flimsy fabric. He had to come – had to. An immediate cry spilled out of him as Morgan crushed his nipples between his fingertips, his hands flying out of his lap.

"Ask" He demanded.

"Please…" He gasped as Morgan's teeth raked his neck. "I need…" he dissolved into incoherent begging and encouraging when Morgan shoved his hand down his pants and stroked his hardness.

Morgan clutched the back of his neck and dragged him until their mouths hovered only centimeters apart. "More"

"I want you…" Reid cried over soul deep ache inside him craved filling. "Urgh - need you – FUCK ME!"

They crashed to the thin carpet; Morgan stripping him in strong controlled motions. Reid shifted, watching as Morgan worked his slick pointer finger inside of him. His buttocks tightened, his channel clenching and releasing in fluttery waves, as one finger became two then three.

Twisting, mindless Reid begged repeatedly his voice hoarse. Spine arching, he tossed his head back in a silent scream as the massive cock punched inside of him ripping him open. Pain and pleasure twisted his insides. The flood of feeling rocking his very soul and his eyes squeezed shut swept under by the intensity. This was it. He was made for this, made for him. To be used – abused – possessed.

"Open your eyes." Dark eyes, inches from his glittered with arousal and barely concealed savagery. Reid trembled. The supersensitive head of his cock oozed with every rub on Morgan's hard abs.

His skin felt tight, hot and he locked on his lover, his love unable to look away. There was never going to be anyone else, just Derek. 'Mine', his heart echoed. Morgan cupped his cheeks. "My angel" He murmured, kissing him deeply, stealing his breath, his very life.

"Oh God, oh God…" Reid jerked, his muscles seizing as Morgan began to move. His cock was throbbing visibly, pleasure coiling like a spring. Sweat covered their gyrating bodies as Morgan pushed him harder, driving inside o him with brutal strokes that grazed his prostate sending jolt after jolt zinging down his spine. Over and over he pounded full length raking his nipples until the buds were red and swollen.

Reid tossed his head with mindless abandon. It hurt and he never wanted it to end. His legs were forced up upon his chest opening him up for a merciless fucking as Morgan battered his snug passage with fast full strokes his grunts mingling with Reid's cries.

"So - so tight.." Morgan growled working impossible deeper. Reid drowned in the bottomless hazel pools reveling in his claiming. Face pulled tight, Morgan yanked his head back, sharp teeth burying in his neck. Reid came, unloading cum in an endless torrent. Litanies of "I love you-s" wrenched out of him with every spurt. Unending waves of fulfillment washing over him, cleansing until he felt renewed.

It took forever for Reid to calm down his body still sending aftershocks through his wrecked body. Morgan moved away then came back. Reid frowned watching his lover's ministrations realizing he was discarding a condom. Logically it made sense; he'd been with Alex. Morgan had a right to protect himself. It bothered Reid but he was pleasantly exhausted, his body still buzzing. Morgan flipped onto his back dragging him onto his chest, the blanket covering them both his strong fingers stroking up and down his back. Lingering on the soft skin and the knobs of his backbone. Long strokes that brushed the swell of his butt cheeks before making the journey back.

"I don't mean to hurt you." Morgan's finger lightly traced the bite-mark on his neck. The skin had broken leaving drying red dots on his pale skin.

Reid's breath caught and he flushed. An amazing feat considering his nudity under the blanket and his sticky semen coating their bellies but they'd never discussed the spiraling brutality of their sexual encounters. He knew if he said the word, Morgan would pull back, treat him gently. They'd make love instead of fuck. But that wasn't what he needed, he felt beyond desired when they were together, he felt consumed, devoured. He tried to explain. "My mind is constantly working all the time, it's exhausting. When you touch me, everything stops." He wrinkled his nose hoping he was making sense. "I-I like it."

Morgan smiled easily the happiness lighting up his eyes; he gently kissed the bruised lips. "We should wash up…move to the bed."

"I want to go home." Reid's voice cracked on the last word. "I mean…I want to go to your place." Intimidated by the silence he forced out rationalizations. "Your bed is bigger. My coffeemaker's broken and the – uh cookies were all I had left in the way of sustenance." The panic that was building inside him is only slightly eased when Morgan tilts his head back and kisses him again. He realizes that he's shaking when the blanket is pulled over his shoulders. The long ago humiliation of that morning had dug deeper that he thought and he felt foolish for holding onto the pain but every time they 'd had sex in the past Morgan had disappeared afterwards, withdrawn physically and emotionally. He needed Morgan to let him stay so he could believe that this time was different, permanent.

"I mean…"

"Angel" Morgan swallowed his words. "Just grab whatever you need."

It's a half hour before they get home. Reid spends more time leaning against the window with his eyes glued on Morgan's profile, the firm angle of his jaw and his fingers flexing on the steering wheel. But it is the fine lines on his forehead that catch his eye and the downward droop to his lip. He's obviously exhausted and Reid feels even worse for dragging them all this way to prove an imaginary point.

"What's going on? You don't look too happy."


	8. Chapter 8

Reid woke slowly. At the first thrumming ache in his body he smiled snuggling beneath the warm bedclothes. He could still feel Morgan's hands on his skin, stroking, exploring and loving. Stretching lazily, he flipped onto his back, the heavy curtains muting most of the morning light casting the room into a deep shade. He looked for Morgan, heavy with languor, his lids dropping of their own accord at the sound of the shower running. It was soothing and reassuring.

It could have been minutes or hours later when the bed dipped and he happily rolled into the indentation. Cozying up to the heavy body on the other side he murmured "Morgan" smiling in his sleep. He was drifting off again when his nose twitched, 'what was that smell'? The smell that accompanied heavy breathing. Having a sneaking suspicion he opened his eyes in dread, squeezing them shut again at the sight if the bared canines close to his face. 'Don't panic' he reminded himself' 'it's just a dog, Morgan's dog'. When the rough tongue swiped up his jaw he lost it, the girly scream erupting out of him.

Morgan burst into his bedroom, a white towel covering his hips. His only weapon an electric toothbrush clutched in his right fist.

"He licked my face!" Reid shrieked standing on top of the bed. "Licked my face!"

Morgan turned to Clooney who was resting on his haunches patiently watching for a pat on the head. He knew that look. A few steps forward and he could see the bloody feathers on the floor. Crap!

"Don't look down." He cautioned Reid.

"Why not?" Reid was a mask of suspicion as he peeped over the edge of the bed. "Oh God!" He swayed bile rising up his throat. The blood of that tiny bird was on his face. "Get it off." When one tiny wing fluttered weakly he freaked out, racing for the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Morgan jumped out of the doorway just in time, readjusting his towel. Patting the shaggy dog he led him out of the bedroom. "We talked about this." He explained. "No dead birds, or rats. No dead anything." He took Clooney outside to dispose of the dead bird then refilled his water bowl adding a generous splash of doggy mouthwash. "Stay" He commanded before going back inside. "Reid will learn to love you. I promise." The large dog barked as if it understood him.

Stepping back into the bathroom, he found Reid still manically washing his face, the skin on his left side rubbed raw. As he picked up the face wash he spotted Morgan behind him. "It is just a myth that a dogs' mouth is cleaner than a humans." He defended, pausing the pink blob in his hand forgotten as Morgan came up behind him then bent to the side and kissed the red scraped skin.

"Good morning."

Leaning into him Reid gripped his arm angling for another kiss, smiling when he got one. "Morning"

"This is not the way I wanted you to wake up." Morgan whispered into his ear.

Enthralled by the movement of his lips, Reid slipped his hand around his holding him in place. "How did you want me to…Oh!" He sagged against Morgan as his long dark fingers begun to trace the edges of his boxers.

"I wanted you to be happy…relaxed…" Morgan's lips covered his. "…sated. Definitely sated. Not tense, testing me at every turn. Did you sleep at all?"

Reid's pupils flared, chest tight, despite his best efforts his eyes were huge and terrified as they met his lover's in the mirror. "I didn't, I'm not…" He denied the accusation vehemently even though he'd been up half the night fighting exhaustion, worried that Morgan would come to his senses and boot him out. The cigarettes and everything they implied had not helped. He and Morgan had finally gotten together; they had a chance to be happy. It wouldn't be him that rocked the boat and screwed it all up.

"Breathe" Morgan directed turning him round. His hands skimmed the pale skin skipping the red bruises, his breath getting heavy at the sign of each possessive mark. Deep grooves buried in Reid's jutting hipbones begged his attention. Thumbing the indentations, he dug into the delicate skin swallowing Reid's desperate gasp.

"You have every right to be cautious I haven't treated you right, but, baby, that's all in the past. Do you think you could give me a chance to win you again? Clean slate?"

Reid finally looked up and Morgan was swallowed in a sea of brown that reflected such desperate hope that his heart ached at his tentative nod. His expectation to get hurt again was written all over his face. At this point in their relationship actions would hold more value than words.

Kneeling before him, Morgan dragged down his boxers, the rearing cock head bumping his chin leaving a smear of precum. He wanted Reid to trust him with his heart the way he did with his body.

"Oh. Oh fuck!" Reid tossed his head back. Wet heat enveloped his cock, the slick wipe of a tiny tongue in his slit sent shudders through him. His fingers dug into the hard porcelain sliding in the soapy gob that still clung to his palm.

Methodically, Morgan worked his tongue, up and down his length with Reid helplessly following his rhythm. Leaking like a broken faucet he drove between the wide O of Morgan's lips, glued to the dark lips as they worked their magic sending him spiraling into a deep dark web where nothing else mattered, just Derek, loving him with his mouth. Reid gasped; moaning as sucking him down Morgan swallowed taking him into his throat.

Just when he couldn't think he could take it anymore, fingers cupped his sac toying with his nuts.  _He was so good._ Jerking at the occasional graze of his teeth, Reid struggled to hold on to the exquisite feeling as he dick swelled in the wet suctioning cave. Body glistening with sweat he panted as Morgan forced his legs wider playing with the sensitive skin under his testicles.

A rough finger snaked into his well-used hole, popping the muscle. "I_ I'm com – oh god!" Fire blazed down his spine pooling in his groin as he exploded shooting endless spurts of his life force down Morgan's sucking throat. He shouted, jerking, thrusting until he was drained and collapsed to his feet.

Reid shifted trying to find relief for his numb butt against the cold tile. His head bumped against the sink and he snuggled closer burying his head under Morgan's chin reluctant to disturb the intimate moment. Lacing their hands together, sheer happiness rocked through him. He imagined he could see the love reverberating around them, a warm pink cloud shielding them from everyone and everything. This is the way it was meant to be.

"You're staring."

"I'm happy."

"Good" Morgan kissed his forehead. "Now get up. I'm freezing my nuts off."

"No" Reid whined as Morgan dragged him to his feet and ushered him into the shower, pouting a lot less when his lover got in with him.

xxXxx

Monday morning came around far too soon for both of them. Reid trudged round the side of the car getting into the SUV. Sipping from the travel mug, he let the hot coffee warm him from the side out. Morgan was still inside settling Clooney and though they'd come a long way, Reid was still nervous around the boisterous German shepherd mix.

"We should take separate cars." He murmured as soon as Morgan pulled them out of the drive.

"Reid, we've ridden into work together before. It's no big deal." Morgan chuckled easily deciphering the source of his worry. "Besides if you keep looking at me like that, everybody's gonna know anyway."

"We are violating the fraternizing policy. If it gets out that we are dating we could be shuffled to different teams." Worry pounded through Reid's body as he shared. "I just don't want anything to go wrong…"

"Baby" Gentle fingers grazed the side of his face. "Nothing's gonna go wrong."

"Promise?" He demanded like Morgan could control their fate.

"I promise. And I will take you home. Just this once." Morgan grumbled as they stopped outside Reid's building.

"You ashamed of me?"

Flipping to reassure him, that there would never be anyone else Reid caught the silly smirk on his boyfriend's face. His arrogant boyfriend.  _His boyfriend._

"I could never be ashamed of you." Reid smiled getting out of the car and leaning in to smile at Morgan through the lowered window. "You are completely amazing…for your age." He quipped racing off at the flabbergasted expression on Morgan's face.

"You little…"

The rest of his words were lost as Reid tore down the path. He could hear Morgan coming after him, over the thumping of his heart. The wind teased his hair as he sped hoping to get into his car before Morgan caught up to him.

Morgan slammed the car door chasing after Reid who tossed one last laugh over his shoulder, his eyes bright with happiness and he cleared the corner. Exhilarated he chased after him, Reid's joy tripling his own.

Stumbling to a halt when he caught Reid standing still in front of his car, his knuckles white as he ripped the strap of his shoulder bag. Instantly on the alert, Morgan approached him slowly. "What's the matter?"

"Someone slashed my tires." Only complete numbness could explain Reid's even tone at the vicious crime. This felt a lot more personal than getting shot at on a case.


	9. Chapter 9

"Come on." Morgan grabbed Reid's upper arm trying to drag him away from the senseless act.

Faded blue and squatting unevenly on the asphalt the Crown Vic looked even more out of place among the German and Japanese automobiles that still populated the street, the empty street. "But…my car…" Still in shock, Reid was rooted in place staring at the malicious gashes that split open the dark rubber.

"Baby, there's nothing we can do about it now. We've gotta get to the BAU then we can send back a unit to process your ride."

Reid turned to him quivering with determination and indignation. ""We could canvas the neighborhood, search for witnesses. Maybe someone saw something?"

Glancing at the ugly heap, which was long since destined for a junkyard, Morgan wondered if it was worth the trouble. "Maybe it's for the best. Christine was an eyesore, some lucky bastard did you a favor and put her out of her misery." Shit! He swore under his breath, swallowing his chuckles when Reid shot him a hurt look.

"She…damn…IT…" Incensed, Reid clenched his teeth. "It is an inanimate object, stop giving it human qualities and that was my car. I don't care how ugly she – it – is. I have a right to park it on the street without fear of it being desecrated."

"Hey, listen to me." Morgan stepped in front of him holding his gaze as the thin shoulders vibrated under his palms. "I know what you are thinking."

"There's no way you can possibly know that."

"This is not a personal attack."

"It feels personal."

Morgan swept the hair out of his face, grabbing the back of his neck and touching the foreheads. "I know it does but it's probably just a bunch of bored kids." Reid closed his eyes leaning against him. Morgan's hands trailed down until he held Reid's hands in his. "This is not about you."

"You think it was 'Peer status motivated vandalism'?"

"Exactly." Morgan jumped onto the excuse even though he couldn't find another trace of vandalism in a protected genteel neighborhood, not even a busted up trashcan or a squiggle of marker on a wall. A bunch of kids would have left a trail of destruction leading to and away from the car. But comforting Reid was a priority and he was thankful his genius was too preoccupied to put two and two together.

"Some fool was trying to act like a man in front of his friends and Christine got crucified. Okay?"

Cradled in his arms, Reid nodded. Maybe he was overreacting. He reveled in the comforting embrace, completely unbothered by which of his neighbors was peering through their curtains judging them. "Ok."

Relieved Morgan cupped his face in his hands. "You want me to send some one from my shop to pick it up?" He smiled as Reid nodded again as the worry faded from his eyes; dropping a quick kiss on his forehead Morgan hurried him away. The nagging feeling of being watched shadowing their steps.

On the way in, he kept a close eye on Reid waiting for him to explode again. When they parked in the underground parking lot without incident he took Reid's hand stroking his thumb over his knuckles. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." A slow smile bloomed on his face, transforming it into transcendent radiance that drew Morgan irresistibly closer. He was so close to his plump pink lips when Reid slapped a hand across his face.

"No kissing at work."

"You are taking this too far." Morgan mumbled around the palm covering his mouth.

"No" Reid insisted. "Someone could see us. It is 8am most of the agents arrive about this time. "We have to be careful."

Smirking to himself, Morgan checked out the dashboard which blinked 8:03. For months he had dreaded these mornings, watching Reid arrive with Alex day after day had been a nightmare. Tormented by the graphic images of their writhing bodies he had barely been able to get through the day. Now Reid was here with him, like he should have been and it was  _so,_   _so_  right. Finally.

Reid squeezed his hand and then scrambled out of the SUV slamming the door behind him. Morgan readied himself to go after him when Reid popped back in the open window. "I love you." He whispered before giving him a shy smile and scurrying off.

xxXxx

Morgan strode down the hallway the light file held in his left hand, as he took a corner he heard Garcia before he saw her. Uncharacteristically out of her office she stood with Kevin twirling a blond curl in one hand, a big smile on her face.  _She should marry that man._

"A second?" He asked. Giving Kevin a sharp nod as he pulled her away. "I need a favor."

"Sure anything."

"Can you pull up any surveillance footage in and around Reid's neighborhood from ATM's, traffic cams?"

"Is this because of his car?" Suddenly Garcia grasped his arm looking worried. "I thought you told Reid it wasn't a big deal?"

"I don't want him to worry but I had Officer Valle lift and run the prints."

"I could have done that."

"You are my go to girl, you know that but Reid could have found out. Anyway the point is…" He shrugged. "The prints led nowhere. Too many people touched that damn car and none of them are in the system."

They turned when Kevin made an impatient noise.

"Sorry about him," Garcia threw back a pointed look. "We are heading out for lunch."

"Go. Go have fun." Morgan stepped aside. "I will forward you all the information I have."

He was halfway down the hall when Garcia called his name. "I will be waiting for my massive bouquet of flowers." She yelled tossing him a wink. "You are welcome."

Grinning he headed for the bullpen knowing Garcia was going to take credit for their relationship for the rest of their lives. He paused in the doorway his smile lifting at the sight of Reid reading through some old books his fingers following the lines on the page. Sidling up to him, he ran his fingers over the exposed nape of his head. Reid jumped turning to face him before checking out the large half empty room with large fearful eyes.

"Don't do that." He hissed, the warmth in his eyes taking the sting out of his words.

"No one saw." Morgan perched on the edge of his desk, tapping the file against his knee. He looked so beautiful with his tie askew, his lean chest defined by the fitting shirt. "I made a smart move making you leave the sweater at home."

Reid flushed, his fingers fidgeting in his lap before he rolled his chair further in until his thigh was pressed up against Morgan's leg. "Do you want to go out for  _lunch_?" The last word was whispered huskily, seductively heavy with innuendo.

"I do. Want.  _Lunch_." Morgan said fighting the urge to drag Reid out of the chair by his tie. It would make a really tight knot, over his wrists, his neck. His long bruised neck, Morgan shifted in an effort to distract himself, now wasn't the time. "I can't. I need to talk to Hotch."

Eyes widening with alarm, Reid leaned back zeroing in on him. "Why?"

"I have to tell him about us. If this gets out…"

"It won't."

"Just in case it does, we will need him on our side."

Reluctantly Reid nodded, he wasn't entirely sure that it was the right move but Morgan was right. If their relationship got exposed Hotch would be their biggest supporter. His irrational fears of them breaking up as always filled his head with fearful mutterings. As Morgan ruffled his hair and walked off, he realized he should have told him; if it came down to the BAU or them - he was willing to quit.

Unable to get back to his books, he focused on Hotch's window feeling like his fate was being decided without him. He should get up, go to his office and stand besides Morgan but he couldn't move.

"Mazel tov."

Reid jerked when Rossi appeared beside him. Frowning at the elder agent, he shook his head needlessly stacking his books. "I'm not Jewish."

Suppressing a snicker, Rossi pointed towards Hotch's office "It looks like you and Agent Morgan finally got your act together."

Baffled, Reid's jaw dropped open. "How did you know?"

"If you are going to be staying over at Morgan's, you should use a different body wash." Rossi strutted off a smug look on his face. "Like I said congratulations."

Reid sniffed his wrist, blanching as the familiar scent filled his nostrils. All his precautions had been for nothing he thought as he hurried to the bathroom to wash the scent off as much of his body that he could reach.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey Hotch," Morgan rapped on the wooden door pushing it inward at the same time. "You have a minute?"

After an interminable minute in which Hotch stared at Morgan's face intently, he smiled, dropped his pen and gestured him inside. "Should I pretend to guess what this is about?"

Ah profilers! Morgan laughed nervously as he settled in the comfy chair across from him, placing the file he held on his lap. "How about I tell you what I came in here to say and we act like you don't already know?"

"As long as I don't have to fake surprise, I was never good at it." Hotch reminisced. "It was a nightmare for Hailey when she planned my birthday parties."

Morgan fidgeted. This was counterproductive. Hotch knew, the same way their entire team would know just by looking at them. "So you're cool with Reid and I?"

Instead of replying Hotch tossed him the newspaper that lay folded on his desk. "Page 4."

Flipping through the pages, Morgan stopped at the black and white photo of a grim gray haired gentleman at the top of the page. With clammy hands he pressed his elbows to his knees perusing the page as his heart thudded painfully in a simple grief for a man he'd known if only in passing. "How did he die?"

"He was gunned down in his home yesterday morning."

"We corresponded on a case once, he was a hard man to like." Morgan smoothed the paper under his hands then asked. "Do they know who did it?"

"His team and the entire Denver office are working on it." Hotch reached for the newspaper, placing it carefully beside his laptop. "After the investigation is concluded, a meeting will be held to determine his replacement. Your name will come up like it always does."

"Christ! Not this again." Morgan got up turning away from him like that would make all the job offers disappear. His stint in Miami had created manic interest from his superiors; none of them understood his insistence on remaining in Virginia. Hotch did so he fobbed them off. "I don't want to be chief." At the pointed look he got from Hotch, he ducked his head muttering. "At least not  _yet_."

Ignoring his fake protest Hotch continued. "Houston will need someone when Agent Chobsky retires. Los Angeles is looking to start up a new unit after an arsonist decimated most of the old one. They need all the experienced agents they can get."

"LA is a cesspool of crazy." Morgan interrupted.  _Not to mention a certain actress that Reid had once expressed interest in lived there._  "I'd never get any sleep." Tugging at his shirt collar he tamped down all feeling of baseless jealousy and refocused on his boss. "Where are you going with all this?"

"Strauss. If you give her even a hint of a reason, she will have you clear across the country in one of those posts before the week is out."

Tipping his head to one side, Morgan bit his tongue. The words Hotch spoke had been exactly what he was expecting after all he had had almost a year to consider the downside to being with Reid. However somewhere along the way, being with him no matter what began to matter more than anything else. Taking a deep breath, he promised. "We will be discreet."

"Like you have been in the past?"

If Morgan's skin were any lighter he would have turned beet red, as it was his sheepish look was enough. "Better."

Hotch sighed, looking relaxed for the first time since Morgan had walked in. "I am happy for you."

Morgan tipped his head in acknowledgment.

"One more thing," Sobering, Hotch crossed his arms, tension once again furrowing his brow. "I wish this world was different but it's not. I don't need to tell you that if your relationship gets out no one would dare say a mean thing to your face. They will go after Reid."

"I know."

"All the kissing in the parking garage has somehow gone unnoticed because he keeps to himself or because his boyfriend didn't work here or because I've been having Huan and Croft keep an eye on him, I don't know for sure. It's hard to decipher the festering mind of the closeted bigot. You are a lot more high profile. Biracial. I'm not sure what can or will set them off. Just keep an eye out."

Morgan left Hotch's office deep in thought. He passed several agents through the halls meeting their gazes, returning their nods, all the time wondering which one of them would be the first to sneer when they found out about him and Reid. Who would start the subtle undermining and snide remarks because they'd never engage him in a physical fight? Who would be the first to go after Reid? Despite the extensive hand to hand combat training provided by the FBI; Reid had only gotten marginally better at defending himself. It had been irresponsible of Morgan to fuck him in closets and bathrooms. He might as well paint a bulls-eye on Reid's back welcoming all haters.

Distracted he slipped into his office, studying their relationship from all sides, praying there was a way to get through the next few weeks, years…without Reid getting hurt.

"What did he say?"

Morgan looked up to find Reid rushing at him from behind his desk where he'd been waiting.

"Why are you wet?" He deflected, flicking the damp curls that hang limply over Reid's ears. Ears that immediately reddened.

"It's nothing." Reid scrunched up his nose, dabbing at the stubborn droplets clinging to his hair. He must have missed a few in his rush to get to Morgan. "What did Hotch say?"

"Nothing we didn't already know – just to be careful, no sex on the jet, stuff along those lines. "

Reid crossed his arms across his chest, pulse spiking in alarm as Morgan addressed his words at the room instead of directly at him.

"Don't treat me like a kid. Not now." He said seeking a genuine answer, shredding the soft pad on his bottom lip. "What did he really say?"

"This isn't the easiest profession for us to be –  _us_ " Morgan gestured between them. "You remember the 1997 case of Officer Jacob Lewis…"

"Yeah, he got killed by his squad after they found out he was gay and they framed a drug dealer but that was years ago."

"I know, baby and the world has changed a lot since then. We just need to be careful with the PDA. Heck you should be happy, you were right."

"Oh." The tinny tiny sheltered part of Reid that still believed in happily ever after, crumpled and died. He hadn't wanted to be right. Despite the precautions he'd been taking all day, he had hoped for  _a miracle._ He had just been too afraid to admit it, even to himself, like a silly child concealing a birthday wish.

Intense misery curled around his chest. More than anything Reid craved simple things – to hold Morgan's hand, kiss him when he felt like - the chance to celebrate the love he'd found in the light instead they were condemned to this; a life spent hiding in the shadows. Everything inside him rebelled at the thought. "I can't do that. I won't."

"We don't have a choice."

"Yes we do." The flood of certainty that he was making the right decision made Reid brave. "I can give notice right now and let Hotch find another agent to replace me."

"Reid. There  _is_  no other you. No one else is toting around that big brain of yours. Losing you will be a huge blow to the team, hell, the entire bureau. I won't let you do this for me."

"I would do it for us.  _I would do it for me._ " How could he explain to Morgan that he was tired of coming second? Tired of putting the job before his needs? Tired of seeing good people die? What he couldn't figure out was whether he'd felt that way all along or whether Nathan and Matthew Hubbard had tipped the scale in the right direction.

"What about us?" At Reid's quizzical look, Morgan explained. "We travel on cases for days sometimes weeks at a time. If you quit, when will we see each other? Between all the crazy ass unsubs? Holidays? When?"

Reid sagged a nearby shelf sending a trophy tumbling to the floor as the look of trepidation on his love's face arrested him. There was no doubt that Morgan had been considering their situation for a lot longer than he had. There was a way, there had to be one.

"I don't know if I can see you only once in awhile, living off phone calls and video chat." Morgan stopped suddenly and simply stared at him." I have waited too long for you. We belong together."

It felt odd for Reid to be smiling when he'd been so close to tears. He floated across the room at Morgan's emotional declaration. He had to be near him.

Morgan moaned a little when Reid stepped right up to him and rested a hand on his chest over his thudding heart. The big brown eyes gazed at him with such earnestness he wasn't sure whether he'd done something wrong or right. "What…" He tried to fill the silence just as Reid kissed him. He froze for a moment unsure then sinking into the heat, squeezing Reid tight as he melted into him.

A knock at the door rattled them both until JJ yelled. "Morgan. Case."


	11. Chapter 11

Reid plopped facedown onto the lumpy mattress, bouncing gently and turning his head so he wouldn't suffocate in the soft pillow. Groaning he made the tiniest of moves, his neck cricking at every turn. Fifteen odd days of slogging through the Louisiana bayou chasing a trio of escaped prisoners had hit him harder than expected. Split into teams to cover more ground he had only seen Morgan in passing a handful of times. And those stolen moments were fraught with unspoken emotion. He was nervous about every gesture and look sure the whole world was watching as he ricocheted between radiant happiness and intense misery at their separation.

Lost in thought he started when the mattress bounced again and a heavy weight settled next to him. At the soft brush of lips on his, he squeezed his eyes tight then opened them. Morgan was so close to him that Reid's eyes kind of crossed, in a good way.

"Hey." He said, warm breath ghosting over Reid's lips.

Reid's answered 'hey' lost form as his lips spread into a wide welcoming smile before falling into a worried frown. "Are you okay?" Raising his right hand he traced the beginning of the bump on his head, the brown skin raised and darkening on the cusp of involving into a massive bruise. He shuffled closer until he was where he needed to be, pressed flush against Morgan, fitting them together like puzzle pieces.

"It's nothing." Morgan brushed his hand away, wincing slightly at the graze of skin on skin.

" _That_  doesn't look like nothing." Propping his face on his elbow, Reid examined the bump closely. "Did you see a doctor? Of course you didn't." Asking and answering his own question, he sat up muttering darkly.

Morgan consistently ignored his own mortality, taking unnecessary chances in the field. Now that they were together he wasn't going to put up with it. Their lives were tied together, if anything happened to him…Reid swallowed as his heart skipped several beats then speeded up as Morgan yanked him down, easily pinning his slim wrists to the mattress above his head.

"You need a hospital." He breathed quickly, a little desperately because Morgan was crawling over him, nudging his knees open. "A uh – scan." He couldn't remember exactly what kind, over the gleeful jumping of his cock. "CT scan" Yes!

""I don't want to talk about that. Everything I need is in this room."

The way his heart was flipping at Morgan's words and hands, it was Reid that would need a defibrillator. A flash of pink caught his eye as Morgan licked his lips and leaned in. Losing the battle, all thought melted away as he thrust upward rubbing wantonly on the hard hot body igniting even through two layers of clothing.

Reid bucked, panting when his wrists were grasped tighter, crushing the bone.

"I missed you." Morgan nosed his head back nipping at his exposed collarbone, sucking gently at the tiny bite. "Your lips, your eyes…God, baby your skin." Shifting lower, Morgan used one hand to hold onto him using the other to pop open the buttons of his shirt. Reid hissed trembling, as Morgan pushed up hard between his splayed thighs as the mouth on his chest moved slowly, drawing lazy circles on his tight skin. From fifteen days of nothing to this was absolute torture. Torture that Reid missed when the demanding hands stopped roaming. 'More' formed in his mind but went unspoken as light caresses fell on his body, banking his fire.

"Tell me." Morgan ordered.

Reid's chest rose and fell glorying in the temporary respite. He knew what his lover wanted to hear, the same words he was aching to say. It didn't mean he couldn't play with him a little. It was the only time Morgan would ever beg. Faking misunderstanding, he said. "I missed you too."

"Not that." Morgan ground out teeth clenched with frustrated need. His fist flexed on Reid's fragile bones sending streaks of pleasure pain up his captured arms. "Tell me."

Captivated, Reid never wanted to escape the burning intensity in his eyes. "I love you."

Swooping down Morgan claimed his mouth, stealing his breath. Whimpering, Reid was swept under the hypnotic pull of his firm lips, letting himself be taken, brutally, completely. He gasped and canted his hips as his pants were shoved his knees, his full hard shaft exposed. He bucked against the thumb stroking the sensitive slit the need to come taking over. Desperate needy moans poured out of him, gobs of precum leaking through Morgan's fingers making him weep.

"Tell me again." The demanding words rumbled on his chest, yanked him out of his stupor. A pointed tongue teasing his painfully erect nipple.

"I love you." He whined. "IloveyouIloveyou. Please. Ple-I- uh!" Shudder raced through his body, his thighs straining in their captive cotton prison. He had to open wider; he wanted more, he wanted to be held down and fucked. Ripped open by his lover's massive cock. Body writhing, he begged until his voice was hoarse, still uninhibited mewls escaped his throat.

Blind and deaf to everything but his pleasure he thrust through the tight fist. Long pulls caught on the underside of his thin-skinned head, shuddering at the sharp bite at his neck. "There. Just - uh"

Another strong push and he exploded, his orgasm ripping through him tossing him into a deep dark well of hedonistic bliss. Spent he lay there, waiting for his heart to stop thundering, his pulse to stop tripping. Finally he dragged himself on top of Morgan, burying his face in his neck, the thick ridge of his cock nestled between his thighs. Weakly, he thought 'Mmmm more' as his body struggled to awaken.

Reid shivered as a gust of air tickled the shell of his ear and Morgan laughed. "Who's old now?"

He roused enough to mumble. "Still you."

A loud smack filled the room and Reid yelped flipping over rubbing at the stinging in his butt. "Aw!"

He looked up to catch Morgan staring at him a soft teasing expression on his handsome face. He swept the hair off his forehead, hand trailing over his cheeks as if memorizing his face with his hands. Reid squirmed under the scrutiny wondering what Morgan saw when he looked at him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked gesturing at his forehead.

"Baby, I'm superman."

Reid snorted, wrapping an arm around his waist. "It's phrases like those that let me know how much you need me."

"I  _do_  need you."

"You don't get points for repeating what I said."

"Do I get points for making you scream?"

"I did – not." Reid could feel the blush climbing up his cheeks, but he knew he'd be screaming again inn a matter of minutes as Morgan rolled him over. Wait? Weren't his team right next door?


	12. Chapter 12

"Do you think he's bored?"

"What? No. I don't know." JJ spluttered, her confusion trickling through the phone. "Why would you think he's bored?"

Reid craned his neck peeping round the corner before popping back into the kitchen. "He's just sitting there – reading."

"He can read." She mocked. "We've all seen him do it."

"JJ!" Reid rebuked. "I know he reads but its Morgan. His hobbies tend to require more physical exertion. Don't say it?" He warned quickly. Since she and the rest of the team overheard them having sex in Louisiana three weeks ago they hadn't let up with the jokes and innuendo. Usually he took it in stride knowing it was their way of showing support of their relationship but today he wasn't in the mood. "Since we got back we hardly ever leave his apartment."

"Don't you like staying in?"

Giving his hair a self-conscious tug he admitted. "I do but – I think he's choosing to appeal to my needs and comforts over his own."

"I wish I had your problems."

"It's not a problem per se. I'm just worried that down the line he'll become resentful….unbalanced relationships never last."

"You worry too much." Standing in the doorway, he watched Morgan flip the book to read the upside down text. He was so engrossed he barely noticed. "We need to go out."

"Okay. What do you need me for?

"Is there a gay bar in town somewhere?" He whispered into the phone.

JJ laughed. "Reid, you are hardly the 'hit the club' kinda guy."

"I want to try something new and Morgan loves to dance. A gay bar is the logical choice."

"I heard about Oz! from my salon. It is either a reconverted warehouse or found in the Warehouse district beyond that I have no other clues." Her voice was suddenly distant as she said. "Henry, put that down." Then it was crystal clear again. "I heard they make you check your clothes at the door."

"WHAT?"

"Kidding." She tittered. "Go have fun. Spence."

Reid said his goodbye returning the phone to its cradle. Returning to the Living room he found Morgan almost manically flipping the book as Clooney sat at his feet chewing on one of his toys.

"Why did you let me start this?" He asked without looking up. "I hate this damn book and I can't put it down."

Reid ripped 'House of Leaves' out of his hands placing the massive tome facedown on the coffee table. He chuckled at Morgan's heartfelt thank you that was also expressed in kisses and before he could voice a thought he found himself under his lover. As he most times they were alone.

Actually the past three Saturdays had been pretty much the same. Morgan had wanted to stay indoors - just the two of them - just as much as he had. It was a nice relief after being on edge all week at work to get home and revel in the newness of being together.

Simple dinners with takeout and wine evolved into carnal encounters as the movies they ordered watched them instead of the other way round. In the wee hours Morgan would rouse Reid from his 'sex coma' as he so naughtily put it and make him eat the re-heated Chinese food. The Sunday after their first all-nighter, Reid had crawled zombie like from their rumpled bed. His eyes could barely open, as he attempted to navigate his surroundings.

Morgan woke as he was jumping around clutching his stubbed toe. "We sleep in on Sunday."

"Okay." Burrowing back under Morgan, Reid gratefully blacked out in the cocoon their bodies made underneath the comforter.

Today had to be different.

"You want to go out?  _You!"_ Morgan exclaimed after he had laid out his plan.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes."

"JJ told me about this club…"

"And to a club?" Morgan's incredulity was beginning to grate.

"It's a gay bar, for people like us – me." Reid had been with one girl and two guys enjoyed all three encounters at various levels. Did that make him gay or bisexual? The sex of the person never seemed as important as who he was with. Did that make him demi sexual?

"Reid?"

Apparently he was rumbling in his head. "Yes?"

"Which bar?"

"Oz! It is either a reconverted warehouse or found in the Warehouse district." He quoted JJ directly.

"The first one."

"You've been there?"

"Just the one time." If Reid weren't so preoccupied he would have noticed Morgan's aversion to the idea. "You really want to go? It's going to be loud and crowded."

Reid hid his shudder as the thoughts of sweaty strangers rubbing up against him made his skin crawl but he rallied. This could be fun. More for his partner than for him but he could compromise. After all Morgan endured his reruns of 'Ripley's Believe it or not' especially his continued mockery of the pseudo-archaeological series.

They could go for a couple of hours; he would dance while Reid waited for him at the bar. He welcomed the chance to be open with him in public, in an environment where they would not be considered abnormal. Watching Morgan dance would be a joy all on its own…except he might want Reid to dance too given how often he'd asked over the years. Dancing – make it two hours, closer to one. Enough debate. "Yeah. I want to go."

Loud.

Loud screeching that passed for music assaulted his eardrums.

Reid cleaved to Morgan as he cut a swathe through the sea of half naked writhing bodies, the floor beneath his feet sending vibrations up his legs jolting his spine with every step he took. He squinted, blinded by the flashing strobe lights that sent an array of rainbows and shapes over exposed skin, yanking his arm away when a naked torso rubbed up against him.

Navigating through the fevered masses took too long. By the time they found a table in a relatively quiet corner, he was ready to leave. Morgan looked happy so he smiled at him mentally counting down the minutes when he could escape. When a muscular blonde in little more than underwear, glitter and a wide smile came to take their order he flushed fixing his gaze to the floor.

A flash to his side caught his attention and he was irresistibly drawn to the spectacle on the dance floor as a small man in tight jeans was writhing between two hard bodies as the men's hands roamed under his clothes. He swallowed repeatedly wondering at the uninhibited display. There's no way he could ever let go enough to do something like that in public. Still he stared at them with a mixture of longing and embarrassment.

After their drinks were delivered Morgan hauled him into his lap. "We can do that if you want." He sucked on his lobe and blew into his ear. Reid shivered. He. Couldn't. Do. That.

An hour and four fruity drinks later he was doing it. His mind was fuzzy with alcohol and wanton lust as Morgan ground up against him in long sinuous strokes. Reid only had to hold on and breathe. A slave to his lover and his demanding cock, he moaned looking to Morgan for guidance when another body rubbed up against him from behind. Holding his head in his palm, Morgan kissed him, deep, dark, sweet making room for the other large man. It was just dancing and knowing Morgan would not allow it to go beyond that helped him relax. So he let go and sank into excess as four hands caressed his overheated body.

At some point he struggled free. "Reid?" Morgan called, snagging his upper arm when the sound barely dented the cacophony of instruments.

Launching back into his arms Reid gave him a voracious kiss full of promise before yelling 'bathroom' in his ear. He shook his head as Morgan tried to go with him. Their history of restraint in small spaces was nonexistent. As turned on as he was by the thought of getting fucked while a bunch of strangers listened in, the ratio of men in the club to the number of available commodes left him feeling queasy.

Reid burst into the bathroom. One inebriated patron fumbled with his zipper at one of the urinals before stumbling out to rejoin the party. Dancing out of his way, Reid walked to the mirrors of the mercifully empty bathroom. With every step his semi turgid cock rubbed up against damp boxers vividly recalling the debauched scene he's left behind. Heat spread up the back of his neck, the feeling of hard fingers still digging into his thighs.  _God, he couldn't believe he'd done that._

Attempting to wipe the ridiculous smile off his face, Reid flipped the faucet, the roar of water striking porcelain filling the room. Running his hands under the cool, clear spray, he breathed deeply waiting for the choking arousal dissipate. Cupping his hands in the torrent he splashed water on his face rubbing a wet palm back to cool his nape. Bending over he repeated the action trying to rush before Morgan came after him.

The acrid scent of tobacco tickled his nostrils as he stood up finding a blurry figure standing too close behind him. Reid blinked wiping the lingering droplets off his face.

"Hey" He murmured politely shuffling to the side as he made room for the stranger. He wasn't sure of all the rules of social conduct when it came to public facilities but the invasion of his personal space was just bad manners. His head a little clearer, Reid dried his hands tossing the paper towels into the wastebasket.

Turning he found the stranger had shifted back and was now blocking his exit. Wide troubled brown eyes met Reid's squarely as smoke plumed in the space between. There was something familiar about this man but he couldn't put his finger on it. He looked really sad, the downward droop to his lip distorting a handsome face. Protective instincts kicking in, Reid stepped forward. "Are you okay?"

The stranger swayed on shaky limbs flashing a painful grimace. Reid waited unsure whether he should head out the door and leave him alone. "Can I help you find your boyfriend? Friends? Anybody?"

"No. No. No." Pulling at his hair the young man turned away from him, muttering under his breath.

Okay, he was probably high. It was time to get out of there. Reid headed for the door.

"He has a way of making you feel – special. Doesn't he?" The bitter words stopped him and he turned back. "Like you are the only man in the world." Confusion skittered across the man's slim face, the lit cigarette flipped between his fingers in tight jerky motions scattering ash. "Derek. Derek fucking Morgan. The liar."

Reid's heart started to hammer as the vague feeling of knowing him took shape even as he recoiled from the unwanted knowledge. The tall rangy body, unruly curl, dark eyes…in the right light they could be - not twins but brothers at the very least. Morgan wouldn't…

Calling on every ounce of control he had Reid stepped forward to defend his boyfriend. "You're wrong about him."

Innocent confusion contorted into malicious intent and a heartbeat later, a white burning heat exploded across Reid's face as a solid fist struck his cheek, mashing his nose into his face. Unable to catch himself Reid fell back, crashing into the wall at his back and collapsing to the floor when he got back up the man was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

Realizing he was alone Reid braced against the terracotta wall as the ringing in his ear threw him off-balance. Using his tongue he carefully explored the area where the force of the blow had split his bottom lip against his teeth finding coppery taste blooming on the spongy surface.

He staggered towards the mirror scrutinizing the wound under the bright light. It wasn't as bad as he expected, red and throbbing visibly but he wouldn't need any stitches. Nerve endings protested from the back of his head vying for first billing with the radiating heat coming off his cheekbone and nose. Reid shook his head to clear the fuzzy vision at the edges. Bile rose to the back of his throat at the jerky movement as the four cocktails he'd consumed threatened to reappear.

The connection between the nervous smoker and the cigarettes under Morgan's bed forced its way to the forefront of his mind and he retched over the sink in violent heaves.  _The liar. The liar. The liar. Morgan. The liar. He was seeing someone. Not just anyone. A man._ Irrationally Reid focused on that little fact.  _A man._ Every unvoiced insecurity and unacknowledged fear coalesced into the massive certainty that the day he'd been dreading had arrived. Morgan had moved on.

 _But when did he have the time to be with someone else? They were together all the time. They were happy – or so he had thought. He was a fool for believing in him. People never really change._ Unchecked Reid's thoughts spun out of control, forging new pathways, aided along by self-doubt, lubricated by alcohol until he was sure that their entire relationship been a lie. Their deep connection completely built up in his desperate brain.

"Oh!" He groaned. What if Morgan thought they were still just friends who were sexually compatible? He never actually…No…

The door swung open blasting the room with music and a pair of lovers crowded into the bathroom joined at the lips. Their passionate kisses interspersed with drunken laughter grated, magnifying his headache.  _What was he doing? He didn't belong here._  Panic clawed at his gut triggering his desire to get as far as he could as he rinsed out his mouth and practically run out desperate to get to the safety of his home.

Morgan craned his neck checking the long corridor that led to the bathrooms. Reid had been gone almost fifteen minutes. How long could it take the kid to take a leak? Maybe he got lost, although it was more likely he was throwing up after guzzling four cocktails. Morgan should have intervened way before he pried that last Hurricane out of the waiter's hands but Reid was relaxed finally having fun in a club and he didn't want to ruin it.

He scanned the rest of the room searching the bobbing heads in case Reid had wandered off. Finding no sign of him, he got up to begin the search. He would do the 'poor baby' thing then tease him in the morning. He was halfway across the room when he spotted him going for the exit. Morgan chased after him keeping an eye on his curly head; thankful for his height as calling his name was in vain.

He burst out in the cool night air throwing back a general apology for all the people he'd trampled in his haste. Reid wasn't at the curb. Spinning he checked one end of the street then the other catching his boy loping towards the corner his hand raised for a cab.

"Reid!" He yelled hurrying after him, laughing a little. He couldn't wait to share this little adventure with Garcia. "Good god, pretty boy. How wasted are you?" When there was no response he grabbed his upper arm dragging him round, getting a glimpse at his face before Reid twisted shielding his side.

"What the hell happened to your face? " Morgan demanded getting in front of him reaching for his cheek. "Who hit you? Is he still in there?" Simmering rage morphed into alarm as Reid leant out of his reach.

Morgan grabbed him again angling his face toward the flickering fluorescent sign. The discoloration was just starting to spread forming an ugly map on his face. "I shouldn't have let you go alone." Running his hands down his body Morgan checked the rest of him. The longer Reid went without speaking the more worked up he got. A couple of months ago someone had gotten sexually assaulted in the bathroom by a tweaker. They had beefed up their security but it was impossible to secure every area of the club.  _Don't go there._  Morgna overrode his dread. "Please. Talk."

"How often do you come here?"

Surprised by the question he stared back at Reid who was glaring at him with hard eyes. "Not often." He drew out.

"One time."

"What?"

"When I asked you earlier, you said you'd been here 'Just the one time'." Reid said with an edge in his voice. "So which is it? Not often or just the one time?"

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" Morgan recoiled going on the defensive.

"You lied to me." Reid said dully.

"What difference does it make if I have been here before?" Somewhere inside he just wanted to come clean, admit that he'd practically lived here since they 'broke' up but once that door opened all the things he'd done would come tumbling out. He couldn't do it. Even if he was far from perfect, he felt that way when Reid looked at him.

His lover's eyes went hard again. "Because if you can lie about that simple then it wouldn't take a great leap for you to cheat."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, genuinely surprised.

"Your  _other_  boyfriend hit me in the face." Reid snapped.

"My what?" Morgan was pretty sure he was hallucinating because Reid's words were garbling together in his head into a stream of implausible crap. "I don't know what you are talking about." He stepped forward and as Reid swayed wincing. He must be in pain. Whoever hit him could wait until after they attended to his injuries.

"I want to go home." Reid insisted just as a yellow cab pulled up.

"Angel…"

"Do  _not_ call me that."

"Okay" Morgan indulged; speaking slowly like Reid was severely incapacitated. "Let's go home and we can talk about this."

Reid nodded deflating slightly. The uncertain look he gave Morgan breaking his heart. Determined to wipe out all doubt in his mind the moment they got home he opened the door to let him get in first.

"Derek."

Morgan turned as someone called his name, finding two slightly built men waggling their fingers at him. In less than a second the cab door slammed shut wrenching his wrist as Reid sped off without him.

Fuck!

xxXxx

Reid pressed the bag of frozen peas against his throbbing cheek hissing at the contact. His head hurt so bad that he'd stopped the cab at the nearest 24-hour drugstore. If anyone thought it odd for him to be perusing the shelves for a mild painkiller with the icy vegetables he'd picked up next door they didn't say anything. He wandered up and down the aisle reading the back of the labels debating between brands until he decided to just head home since it was unwise for him to take any with the amount of alcohol he had ingested.

Halfway to the exit he shuffled back deciding to make one last purchase. It was while he was rounding the first wooden display that he heard him laugh.

 _No. No. No._  His mind screeched in denial.  _Not tonight._

Peeking around the corner, Reid had his worst fear confirmed. Alex. With another man. His hand resting on the small of his back and he was smiling. Happy.

Instinctively Reid dropped to a crouch desperate to get out of there. Mapping a route out he proceeded slowly cursing Morgan for putting him in this position, Alex for being so happy and most of all himself. He cringed remembering how smug he'd been beneath the sadness when he'd left Alex, so sure that he'd done the right thing. Now he crawled for the exit, ignoring the stares of the now curious customers, weighed down by a battered face and a cheating boyfriend.

"Spencer?"

So close.

Tossing shame to the wind Reid dumped the peas and run.

Out of breath, he collapsed to a stone bench resting his elbows on his knees. Behind him the three-tiered fountain gave a few halfhearted spurts, springing in and out of life much like his heart. Clutching his pounding head in his hands he was only mildly surprised when a warm body slid in next to him.

"It's nice to see Murphy's Law in full effect." Reid snapped bitterly trying to cover his injuries. "How did you find me?"

"I followed you." Alex said simply ungluing his hand from his face. Reid held still as he inspected the bruised skin with gentle hands. "What happened to your face?" He asked fussing in the paper bag and pulling out an instant cold pack.

The ice pack made an audible crack and as Alex placed it on his face he leaned into it gratefully, the infernal throbbing receding. Leaving him free to think, to lie.

"I fell." Reid muttered dodging his eyes.

"Yeah right. What really happened?"

Alex's concern made him feel warm and it galled him because he was just like everyone else pretending to love him. Reid had called him thrice over the past few weeks only to be put on indefinite hold by his assistant. The memory of it stung. "You don't need pretend that I matter to you." Reid said withdrawing into sullen silence. Alex didn't care about him especially not with his new boyfriend sitting a short distance away.  _What was so wrong with him that he could be so easily replaced? Forgotten? First Morgan, now this._

"You know me better than that." The barely used pack dropped to the space between them. Alex's hand hovered over his knee. The hesitation between them brand new. Reid squirmed as guilt wove in. This was his fault; he was the one that screwed up. Now he was acting out…

What could he say except the words he'd wanted to say a thousand times? "I am sorry for everything. I -."

"I know you are." Alex cut him off. "So am I."

Reid inhaled sharply as the cool hand finally landed on his knee. It may not be forgiveness – not that he deserved it but it helped.

"Where's Derek?"

Just like that misery collapsed in on Reid again. "You were right about him." He choked out.


	14. Chapter 14

Alex gave his knee a long squeeze then withdrew his hand. "I shouldn't have said that to you. Your relationship is none of my business. Though in my defense you'd just blindsided me with a break up."

Reid scrubbed a hand over his face. "Are you saying you were wrong?"

"Spence, I barely know the guy. He's your friend."

"But…your observation was accurate. He dates - has dated - a lot."

"He's single. How else is he going to meet anyone?"

Reid clenched his fists sliding away from him; anger and disappointment flooding his oversaturated system. "I can't believe you are taking his side."

"Sides? You think I'm taking sides?" Alex pushed off the bench towering over him. "I'm not taking sides and if I were, I'd be on my side. Mine. The side you defected to be with him."

He laughed, a hard bitter sound. "Now I'm out here chasing after you, ruining my date because I loved you once and no matter how badly things ended with us I can't leave you out here bleeding the way you left me."

"You weren't bleeding when I left." Reid pointed out, unsure what to say.

"It's a METAPHOR!"

Reid shrunk from his rage, biting his lip at the accompanying glare he received. Glancing at the man a little ways away who was now watching them openly, Alex shook his head and strode off.

Sitting up, Reid wandered what to do. This whole night was an emotional minefield and he was setting off bombs all over the place. In the distance, Alex's shoulders tightened then released as he took several deep breaths until finally like a man setting down a heavy burden he visibly relaxed then turned back and up to him. Making room for him as he collapsed to the stone bench, Reid held his tongue and waited for him to speak so he would know how to proceed.

"This is why I didn't take your calls. I promised myself I'd be calm, sensible, stoic when we talked again… I had a whole plan." He rubbed his palms on his pants. "You hurt me."

Reid met his gaze, grateful for the dark shadows of the night that hid his intense blue stare. There was no escape from this adult conversation that was dragging him kicking and screaming into sobriety as yet another bomb exploded over his head. There was nothing to say. What could he say?

"Don't say anything." Alex preempted. "Let this be the last time we  _ever_  talk about this."

Smiling faintly, Reid scooched down resting his heavy head on the cold stone. "You've never yelled at me before." He remarked curiously. "It was strangely freeing."

"Good." Alex mimicked his action, the inky black sky staring back at them. "Now what happened to your face?" He interrupted himself. "But no details please. We are not there yet."

A couple of seconds later, Alex gaped at him. " _You_  went to a club?"

"I did and I was having a great time." Reid grinned. A great time was an understatement. "Up until the blitz attack that culminated in a minor head injury."

"Still doesn't explain how you ended up out here alone." Alex prodded.

"The guy that hit me knew Morgan. Intimately. I think he attacked me because I was with him."

"What did Derek say?"

"I didn't ask – I had to get away."

As if sensing his discomfort, Alex backed off. "My advice for whatever it's worth; couples fight. It doesn't mean anything. Don't get all worked up before you know all the facts."

"You and I never fought."

"Yeah and that should have been my first clue that we weren't right for each other" He gave a rueful grin. "You two love each other. You'll be fine."

Reid nodded. He did love Morgan, intensely, completely. He was almost positive Morgan loved him too even if he'd never actually said the words. He demanded Reid's love, reveled in it but never echoed the sentiment back. Derek said a lot of sweet things but no matter how much genuine emotion he poured into his 'almost words' they fell short of an actual I love you. No wonder Reid's confidence in him had been so easily shaken.

"But…"

"Spencer, our friendship is new. It will take awhile before I can build up a tolerance for your new relationship." Alex stood once again. "However I will tell you this; 'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.'"

Reid frowned plucking the image of his mother reading to him out of memory. "That quote is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery's book, The Little Prince. It's a children's book."

"I know it's a children's book." Alex said sounding extremely frustrated. "You are missing the spirit of the quote.

"I don't understand."

"If you don't put any faith in him or yourself, you might as well end your relationship now because you won't make it."

"Oh." Reid tucked his suddenly cold hands into his pants pockets. "You had faith in me and I let you down."

"I don't regret the time we spent together and in the future we can get together. Talk. My company's annual quiz bowl is coming up I could use that brain of yours on my team."

"Can't he help you?" Reid tilted his chin in the direction of the man in the distance, acknowledging him for the first time.

"Eli's better with his hands. It's a different kind of genius."

"Is that sexual innuendo?"

"Yes and no." Alex snickered. "Eli is a pastry chef. Speaking of which, this is pretty bad behavior for a date. Please get up so we can take you home."

Reid took the proffered hand and let Alex drag him to his feet. His head felt clearer and he managed to get through meeting Eli with minimal stammering. On the ride home he tuned out of the conversation the two men upfront were having and pondered the value of faith. He didn't believe in much but he trusted Morgan with his life on a daily basis, how much of a leap would it really take to trust him with everything else?

"We are here."

Reid glanced up absently finding two pairs of quizzical eyes on him. Home! Yes! Nodding at Alex's 'I'll call you.' He gave a brief thank you and stepped out of the car. As the roar of the expensive engine speeding off into the distance faded in the heavy air, he checked his phone. He raised the lit screen to his face in disbelief finding it was close to 4am. Seems time also flew by when you weren't having fun. Tripping up the pathway he fished his keys out of his pants, wondering if it was too late to call his boyfriend.

When a shadow detached from the side of the building he careened back only settling when he saw who it was.

"God! Morgan, you scared me." Reid said weakly, clutching his chest waiting for his racing heart to slow down, instead it seemed to have speeded up for a whole other reason. Morgan's silence magnified his nerves, dragging the compulsive peacemaker out of him.

"I shouldn't have run off." He started by way of apology babbling in the continuing silence. "I'm sorry. I may have overreacted given the circumstances…" When Morgan didn't say anything he worried. "You could have waited inside."

"Are you going to run to him every time we have a problem?"

"What?" Reid's conciliatory mood dissolved. "How dare you!"

Morgan stepped forward grabbing his arm possessively. "Reid?"

"No!" He wrenched his arm from the firm grasp. "This is not about Alex. It's about you." He gestured at his face. "You did this. If you can't even muster up an ounce of regret for the pain you caused me then you should just go home."

Furious, Reid stormed up the stairs cursing the whole time. Sweeping into his apartment he slammed the door behind him. Fuck his neighbors and the world, if he had to be up then so did they.

Riffling through his drawers he found his pajama bottoms and retreated to the bathroom pulling the constricting smoky clothes off his clammy skin. With every article he removed he cursed Morgan. Climbing into the steamy shower, he dipped his shaggy head under the hot spray but t did little to calm him down and he emerged angrier than before. Toweling down with brusque rough strokes, he managed to get dressed and brush his teeth in between bouts of vehement cursing.

Reid was tugging furious at the string around his waist, knotting and re-knotting it into a coiled tangle, the bathroom door snicked shut behind him and he dropped his hands in defeat. Bed, he needed sleep. The same bed which Morgan now occupied larger than life.

"Hear me out." He asked from his perch at the foot of the large bed.

Shooting him an icy glare, Reid tried to walk around him. Except Morgan's hand was on his wrist and he was dragging him to stand between his outspread thighs. It took tremendous effort to just stand still when every molecule in Reid's body wanted to crawl into his lap and weep.

"I am so sorry." Morgan rumbled on his belly.

That's all it took four words. Four words and Reid's anger leaked out of him leaving him weak kneed, spent. Fuck his heart, his stupid, stupid heart!

"I would never deliberately hurt you." Morgan's big hands brushed up his sides until they cupped his face.

There it was. Never  _deliberately_.

"You gotta believe me." Morgan gave him a little shake.

Reid nodded. "I do." And he did. Standing within the circle of his arms he believed everything and anything. Resting his hands on his shoulders, Reid said "Tell me about him."

Morgan didn't pretend to misunderstand for which he was thankful. For a moment he rested his forehead on Reid's abdomen, then he looked back up at him and said, "Them."

"Oh!" Reid could hardly think over the clamoring that had started up again inside of him. Even before he'd gotten a handle on it, his faith was being tested. He needed to sit down.

"It's not a long, new or interesting story." Morgan started, his hand twined with Reid's as if he was afraid he might run. "You left me to be with him and I drank and slept around. A lot."

"How many people is a lot?"

"Honestly, I don't remember and I don't want to remember." He looked at Reid expectantly, probably hoping he would stop him but Reid's eyes dropped to the dark fingers laced with his and he pushed through the doubt. He had to know or he'd spend the rest of his life wondering.

"I want to know everything. Like…um..did they all look like me?"

"Yes." Morgan said simply, sincerity shining out of his brown eyes. "I missed you and I wanted to have you back anyway I could. Even if it was wrong."

"Did it help?

"Yes. But it didn't last because they were not you."

Biting on his tongue to keep from smiling, Reid nodded. Morgan loved him, he had to.

An hour later, Reid's head lolled off the foot of his bed. Morgan sat at his feet leaning against the headboard talking, like he had been for what felt like months. Six months to be exact. The convoluted story line, tempered with bouts of alcoholic delusion, zigged in and out of sense and Reid's head spun from trying to follow it. Through the telling he'd found himself equal parts flattered, horrified and intimidated. Most of all he was tired, so very tired.

"Oh God! Enough." Reid whined, interrupting Morgan's current story. A story that he was almost sure was about a bear. "I can't listen to this anymore."

"Do you want me to go?" Morgan asked quietly.

"No. I just realized that all this has nothing to do with us. It's in the past, right?"

He giggled when Morgan grabbed his foot and dragged him to the middle of the bed and covered him with his body.

"It is in the past." Morgan answered earnestly. "I want you to know that you weren't ever supposed to get hurt. Ever."

"I know."  _Never deliberately_. Reid wriggled under him, getting comfortable in his place. "I am not the only one you hurt. That guy tonight…he looked so confused. Devastated."

"I will fix it. I promise." Morgan tilted his chin back his eyes softening as he pushed the hair back from his face, his hand gentle. His warm lips brushed against his, firm, sure. Reid parted his lips inviting him in for a deep kiss.

Mid passion, Reid tossed his head back. "Aw!" He moaned laughing into Morgan's mouth as his lip started to throb with renewed fury.

Morgan smiled back kissing his forehead. "Let's get you to bed."

Reid rolled to his side as Morgan left to clean up. Using his foot he reached for a plump pillow tucking it under his head his eyes slipping closed. A grin tugged his mouth pulling at the split lip but he wouldn't stop smiling despite the pain. He was happy.

Maybe it was what Alex said about faith. What was essential could be invisible to the eye. At that moment for the strangest reason he thought of his car and about how he was better with words the same way Morgan was better with actions.

"Hey I was thinking about my car…" He started when Morgan came out.

"Baby, I told you I will take care of it and I swear I will. You won't have to do a thing."

Reid twisted trying to follow his progress across the room. "I mean that Christine is really old and instead of buying new tires I should just get a new car."

"Are you kidding? No don't ruin this. I knew I would wear you down." Morgan said with excitement. Searching through his discarded jeans he popped back up with his iPhone and stretched out next to Reid in his boxers. Reid just watched with amusement as he accessed a website with a bunch of cars and started pointing them out and extolling their virtues.

"Check this out, adaptive headlamps, blind spot monitoring city safety and Pedestrian Detection low-speed collision avoidance, high-speed collision warning/avoidance and lane-departure warning. You could not be safer if I wrapped you in cotton and carried you to and from work."

Reid snorted squinting at the screen without his glasses was giving him a headache. "What?"

"Don't interrupt me baby. I'm on a roll."

"You interrupt me all the time."

"That's also for your own personal safety not everyone is as fond of being corrected as I am."

Reid huffed and slid down his head cushioned on Morgan's chest. His eyes slipping closed and his heart heard what it needed to, I love you, I need you. I would be lost without you. Please don't die in that rust bucket you call a car. The actual words would come it didn't matter when as long as he felt loved right now.

"This one has a driver alert control system that detects when the driver is tired or distracted." Morgan continued. "Reid?"

"It's Sunday." Reid murmured without opening his eyes kissing the part of Morgan's chest he could reach. "We sleep in on Sunday."

"Yes  _we_  do." After a moment he nudged him. "Reid?"

"I love you." He said automatically. Morgan lips kissed his forehead in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
> 
> I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
> 
> So I love you because I know no other way
> 
> than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
> 
> so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
> 
> so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
> 
> Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda


	15. Chapter 15

"I can't believe you volunteered for us to come here." Reid's ears reddened at the memory. "Hotch gives the assignments not you." The collective looks and smirks that had been thrown their way on the jet when Morgan interrupted Hotch offering to check out the sex shop all three victims had frequented. And take Reid with him for his  _expertise_.

"Me? Pretty boy, you're the one watching porn in the dead of night with me right next to you!"

"It was  _not_  porn!" Reid whispered furiously. "Shibari evolved from the ancient Japanese  _artistic_ form of rope bondage which originated as a kind of prison imprisonment and torture device performed by the Samurai in the 1400's."

"Huh! So it's like porn for geniuses." Morgan pretended to be mulling it over. "All that history get you off?"

"I was  _not_  getting off." Reid gnashed his teeth. "I was doing research."

"Right?" Morgan gave him a sly wink. "Research."

"I – I –" Swallowing back his protests, Reid glared at him then headed to the back of the store. He would have shaken his fist at him if he wasn't a grown up and you know – not a cartoon character even though sometimes it felt like the only appropriate response to Morgan's relentless teasing.

Muttering to himself, Reid barreled down the brightly lit store.  _It had been research dammit._  Sure he might have drifted from the original content in his search for answers – drifted really far – his hand chasing down answers on darker websites faster than his brain could devour…damn Morgan! This was his fault.

Unconsciously Reid rubbed at his neck, the throbbing restarting at his probing touch. He traced the fading indentations, biting down on his lower lip wondering if it was possible to become addicted to a person? Not addicted to the way Derek made him feel, that happened all the time, but addicted to him. Just him…and the sex. God! Reid tugged at his collar shamefaced and looked around, sure his thoughts were being broadcast to all the people left in the store.

Reaching a dead end, Reid twisted and turned lost in a maze of colorful sex toys each one more anatomically impossible than the last. Their suggestive lines triggering his craving for skin on skin, wet sucking kisses, teeth…stop thinking!

Drowning, he spun round bumping into Morgan's hard chest. "You okay?" Flashing him a wicked grin, he leaned over and whispered. "You look flushed."

"Morgan" Reid whined, "Stop." He thought he said stop, whatever spilled out of his mouth was several yeses. Right. Addicted. It made sense he did have an addictive personality: sugar, coffee, dilaudid…the very best one was scraping his teeth under his ear. Reid shuddered tossing his head back. A high-pitched squeak escaped his parted lips and his eyes popped open as Morgan started to laugh.

Shoving him away, Reid scowled scanning their intimate space. Luckily the cameras were only placed outside the store in order to give customers a modicum of privacy. But they were still in public, on a case. This was madness.

Unconcerned, Morgan started to browse the merchandise.

"What are you doing?" Reid hissed.

"As long we are here we might as well pick up some stuff."

"Stu-ff!" Agitated Reid glanced around again. "We don't need stuff."

"How about these?" Morgan held out a fiendish looking pair of metal teeth.

"I don't know what that is."

"Nipple clamps."

Reid's hands flew up to shield his own. "No." He screeched, ignoring the emphatic yes from his body. He liked some pain with his sex but those things looked like they'd rip his nipples right off. A shame seeing as he'd long since answered the question of why men have nipples. Answer: so they could make him very, very happy.

Studying his stance, Morgan dropped them and headed for the dildo selection.

"No! No! No!" Reid's protests fell on deaf ears as Morgan picked up the double-ended phallus that had stalled the genius' escape. "I don't think we are allowed to pick them up. Morgan." He moaned checking out the store. He was sure they were going to get thrown out. God! This was a bad idea.

"Lighten up, sweetie!" Giving him an impish grin, Derek turned back to the display picking up a squat object that looked like it'd been curved from jello. Strawberry jello.

Reid backed away, wild heat climbing up his spine. "I am going to go question the proprietor."

"Already talked to him while you were here  _not_ gawking at this truly impressive array of cock."

"Derek!" Blushing furiously, Reid turned jostling a nearby shelf. He didn't see the blow up doll until it floated practically into his arms, the gaping mouth suggestive, obscene.

Tossing it aside he headed for the exit, a few chuckles chasing him. Great now he was drawing ridicule from the other customers, even the man in the ass-less chaps had the nerve to laugh.

"Is that your man?" Floated through the air reaching him and he paused ever so slightly to catch Morgan's "Yes. He's a little shy."

It took monumental effort for Reid to wipe the smile off his face; it kept creeping up the sides turning him into a Joker grin wearing, love-struck loon. He turned to hide his face when Morgan climbed into the SUV.

"You're incorrigible." He berated. "We should have been carrying out a more in-depth analysis of our surrounding, not flirting."

"Oh! You love me." Morgan dismissed.

"One of these days I won't." Reid swore turning further to his side when Morgan tilted his head searching for his eyes. "Any second now." He whispered into the clear glass, a bad idea since he caught Morgan's reflection and his resolve faltered. "Stop smiling. I'm not going to forgive you every time you smile at me."

"The same way you give me the eyes and expect me to drop the world and attend to every depraved need dreamt up by your overeducated brain?"

Gasping, Reid faced him. "I do not do that." He couldn't be held responsible for the crazy things his body did around his lover.

"Cue the lips." Morgan said moving closer.

_What?_

Morgan's hand slid up his face, big thumb pulling at the lip set between Reid's teeth. Reid colored, realizing he'd been biting down on his lower lip, sucking on it really.

"How are you still doing that?" Morgan murmured, staring at him as if at an intricate puzzle he was failing to solve. "After everything we've done, how can you still look so innocent?"

Reid went to explain how his body was doing things without his consent but Morgan covered his lips, kissing him slowly, deeply. Wonderful, powerful emotions surged through him as he threw himself into the man he loved, giving everything.

He wanted more but it wouldn't be enough and he'd walk around all day unable to concentrate with the desperate craving itching just below his skin. Pulling away, Reid sighed, a small laugh following soon after. "We should get going."

"Then stop looking at me." Derek teased.

Smiling, Reid sunk back into his seat just as Morgan's phone rang. Tensing he dreaded one of two phone calls; Garcia saying she'd finally tracked out the man that assaulted him or Morgan's mom. He always sent the latter straight to voicemail when they were together.

Morgan rejected the call. Reid clung to his side not yet sure how he felt about this particular turn of events.

"You ready?" Morgan wore his seatbelt.

 _Was he ever?_  "Yes"

"Before I forget, I got you something." Morgan pulled a brightly colored package out of his jacket pocket and passed it to him.

 _He loved presents._  Reid ripped through the flimsy paper until a small glittery bottle fell into his lap. "Flavored lube?" He flipped it reading the back. "Licorice. I hate licorice."

"You'll love the way I'll use it." With a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, Morgan floored it.


	16. Chapter 16

"Ok?"

Reid swallowed then nodded rapidly. His shaking hands braced on the thick firm surface, knees spread digging in deep. Cuffs rattled as the cold metal sliced through his wrists providing a sharp contrast to the heat pouring off his naked body in waves.

"You remember the rules?"

Clamping his lips tight, he nodded again. No talking. No sound of any kind or he'd get punished.  _With that._  Out of the corner of his eye, he chased the vicious knotted whip as it snaked across deep red cotton. He flinched as nine leather strands climbed over his arms trailing down his back. Feather light, one lone braided strand dipped into his splayed butt cheeks and he bit back his gasp just in time.

Morgan chuckled darkly tossing the flogger to the side. "You won't last."

Reid watched it land at the edge then topple out of sight, the brief threat gone with it. Throwing him a confident smirk, Reid wriggled back impatient, big hands running up and down his flanks. 'Start already' he wanted to scream, his look conveying the same.

"What did I say about you topping from the bottom?"

Reid shivered dropping his head, the low threatening growl dancing over his exposed flesh. Morgan's hands dropped away leaving him achingly bereft. His heart hammering in his chest, ears perked for movement.

"Pushy, pushy bottom!" He heard before the hard fully clothed body draped across his back, skinny arms buckled as a bold hand swiped over the head of his swollen cock. Throwing his head back, Reid bit down hard on his bottom lip swallowing needy moans.

"Baby" Morgan rumbled in his ear. "If you don't follow my rules then I have to break yours."

No! Reid met his eyes awash in panic, mouth opening and closing. He had one rule: no biting on the neck. It always pushed him over the edge too fast and he wanted this to last. The threat of the cat o' nine tails mastered by a domineering lover who would never actually hurt him…he was living his fantasy. If Morgan bit him, he wouldn't – wouldn't – argh! Bright white teeth sunk into his neck, digging into his skin. Reid's balls drew up tight, cock painfully erect as fire raced down his nape exploding in his nerve endings.

Reid's arms gave as he collapsed face first onto the bed escaping the tormenting hands and teeth. Struggling for control, he bit down, copper blooming on his tongue. His hips hovered over the comforter; ass still stuck in the air, any touch to his drooling cock would set him off.  _Don't come._  He begged silently before he dissolved into an incoherent mess trying to stave off orgasm. Complex equations streaked through his mind finally evolving into the one repressed memory of walking in on his Aunt Ethel changing when he was eleven. It worked like a charm, leaving him gasping but unfulfilled.

"Looks like you're learning some control." Morgan hauled him back to his knees stroking his hair gently. Reid leaned into the caress, victorious in his triumph. "You gonna be good now, baby?"

Reid nodded, purrs building in his throat. He loved that tone.

"Much better" Derek praised, beginning to nibble down his spine, sharp stinging bites soothed by his hot mouth. "God you're beautiful!"

With every biting kiss, Reid tugged at the clunky chains attached to their FBI issue handcuffs. Each one circled one of his wrists fastening him securely to the sturdy headboard. He squirmed, sensation buzzing with every touch, aching for release. Every new touch and scrape on his hard nipples fogging his mind. He wanted to scream and beg. Harsh breath tore through his lungs when Morgan draped back over him the bare skin of his chest burning his, starting the erotic torture all over again.

Sharp nips trailed from Reid's nape to the small of his back, a hot tongue drawing circles on his skin lingering then it dipped. An enunciated 'Fuck!' preceded a sharp nip on his left butt cheek. "You make me so hot, baby! My hot fucking angel."

Rocking back ever so slightly, Reid let his body do the begging. As the popped cap echoed loud in the silence, his beating heart sped up, inaudible gasps tearing out of his chest. The faintest whiff of licorice assaulted his senses and he jerked involuntarily as slick fingers coated his crack, thumbing his pucker. Reid swayed lightheaded, letting out a silent broken moan, blood torn between rushing to his face from his flooded groin as the tip of Morgan's tongue touched his rim.

_OhGodOhGodOhGod!_

_That wasn't supposed to feel so…Oh GOD!_ His brain stopped atanother swipe on his throbbing entrance. Breathing harshly Reid dropped his head to his elbows, feeling his orgasm rush towards him at the foreign sensation. Spreading his legs wider he begged for more, the talented mouth tormenting the tight ring, sucking at his hole until he was a wanton desperate wreck.

He was shocked when "Derek!" fell out of his scratched throat and clamped lips in feminine lilt. Popping up when it happened again.

"Morgan?" He wheezed.

"You lose." Morgan mumbled muffled, the rough burr of his whiskers on Reid's soft sensitive almost undoing him.

"Morgan?" He insisted. "Who's that?"

Morgan sat up with his teasing grin, blanching at the next call of his name. "Christ! That's my mom."

"What?" Reid shrieked. "You gave her a key?"

"Gave? She  _took_  a key." Morgan hissed just as desperately. Scrambling off the bed he picked up the discarded shirt dragging it onto his broad shoulders and disappeared into the bathroom.

"Derek?" Reid twisted still firmly cuffed to the headboard. "I need the keys."

"To my place?" Morgan popped back into the open doorway, mouthwash in one hand.

"No, to these." Reid pulled at his wrists, the cuffs rattled but did not give. "Morgan!" He moaned when his boyfriend disappeared again. He spotted the keys, tiny shiny, from where they'd been discarded less than an hour ago. Lying on his side he ignored the burning in his left shoulder from the awkward angle and stretched out his leg towards his target. Just then Morgan reappeared still looking flustered. "Morgan. Keys." He said firmly.

Just then another 'Derek' filled the air. She was close.

Moving fast, Morgan threw the keys toward the bed and vanished out the door. Reid followed the keys as they sailed through the air, smacked the wall above him and dropped behind the bed.

_Shiiiittt!_

"Great!" Reid murmured. "Just great." Outstretched, he collapsed back to the bed wondering how long he'd have to be trussed up for before he got rescued.

He cursed his luck. What was with everybody's parents bursting in unannounced? His mom would never…well she was locked up in a sanitarium in Las Vegas and his dad was - gone…moving on. First Alex, now Morgan? At least he'd been dressed the first time, wriggling he wrinkled his nose at the slick icky feeling within his crack. He giggled then caught his breath remembering why – Morgan's tongue on him there – maybe next time he could lie on his back and watch him. Was that possible? He worked through the logistics of next time this would happen again.

Next time.  _After you meet his mom, his mom who doesn't know that he's bisexual or about you. His mom who sets him up with random women every time she's in town_  – Jerking to his knees, packed with resolve Reid peeped over the edge ignoring the pain. He had to find that key.

Morgan shuffled down the hallway towards the kitchen where he knew he'd find his mom. Pausing in the doorway he rubbed his palms over his face, trying for normal. What was normal after your mother almost busted you with your tongue buried in another man's ass? He took a deep breath, psyching himself up for the coming conversation. Oh God! Why wasn't it working?

"Honey, what are you doing?"

He spun round meeting her puzzled gaze. "Mama." He greeted still being held up by the wall next to him.

"Well…" She quirked a brow at him, a look Desiree frequently copied without the same effect. "Get over here and say hello."

Morgan gave her a brief embrace, ignored the proffered cheek and darted back.  _You know where your mouth has been._  Circling the island, he opened cabinets getting out cups and the Darjeeling tea that only she drank. Finally with the kettle on and no more busy work he turned reluctantly.

"Sit" She pointed at the chair across from her.

"Yes ma'am." Slipping into it he met the calm stare then squirmed focusing on a speck on the floor listening for the whistle of the kettle, thinking she could have taught interrogation techniques in Quantico. He should ask about his family, try and seem normal. Humph! Normal. The absurd urge to giggle crawled up his throat. With his luck Reid would come tumbling in at any second.

With a put upon sigh, she started. "This is like that time you snuck that mangy old rat into the house when I forbade you to have a puppy."

"I was five." Morgan objected. "And I thought it was a small, sick, mostly hairless dog." By the time he was through with his defense she was laughing.

"The point is you hid from me, same way you're doing now." She gave him a knowing look. "The last time you were acting this crazy…"

_Buford._

It's like she sensed his discomfort and just dropped it.

"I just need you to look me in the eye and tell me you're okay. I'm not going to ask who you are hiding in your bedroom. I'm not even going to ask why you smell like candy."

Morgan leaned back.  _Man, the strong scent and taste of licorice really lingered._

"Ma! You could have called."

"Well lately you can't be bothered to pick up phone calls from your mother." She gave him another look. Pause for guilt trip. "Are you okay?"

Morgan took a deep breath at the loaded question. He could continue hiding Reid and his sexuality or he could just tell her. "I'm seeing someone." The words popped out of his mouth in the middle of his debate. At the excited flare in her eyes he rushed in interrupting the flood of questions that would involve several female pronouns. " _He's_  in the bedroom."

Crossing his arms, he braced for a torrent of rejection or acceptance but all she said was one laden, "Oh!"

"Oh?"

"How long has this been going on?"

The damn kettle finally shrieked but Morgan was glued to his seat. "A few weeks." He mumbled. It was the simplest answer without going into the whole shady 'friends with benefits' details.

"Is this what you want for life?"

He knew she meant homosexuality and all the challenges that came with it.

Morgan didn't even need to think about it. There was no doubt that his skinny genius was exactly what he wanted. Forever. "I love him." A faint smile replaced the ache in his chest. It was the first time he had ever said it out loud. Cymbals and bells should have been going off, as places inside him that he didn't know still doubted, settled.

"That's it then." His mother said. The massive revelation must have thrown him off cause it took him a while to realize she was leaving.

"Mama" He caught up with her at the door. "You can not just leave without saying anything."

"Honey," She patted his cheek and gave him a sad smile. "I need to think."

Growing up, Morgan had heard those words enough to know that it meant she needed time to process. She wouldn't be rushed; no amount of argument would hurry her opinion along. It was both better and worse than an outright rejection. A sudden band constricted his chest, he could hardly breathe. He missed his dad so much.  _He_  would yell or cry at least you would know exactly where you stood.

"You know I love you." She said.

"I love you too." He murmured, closing the door behind her.

A sharp burst of laughter tore out of him when he walked back into his bedroom and he clutched at the doorjamb surprised he could be this happy, this soon.

"You left me." Reid whined from the position he'd contorted into. He grumbled for a while then said, "Help me. The keys fell under the bed."

Still chuckling Morgan retrieved them, making quick work of the cuffs. Reid's wrists were scraped raw from all his struggling. "Baby, I'm sorry." He traced the abrasions. "I didn't mean to leave you."

"Is she still out there?" Reid whispered, then bit down on his swollen lip. "Are you meeting them – her for dinner?"

"No. I – uh – told her about us."

"Us?" Reid's jaw dropped. "You told your mom? About me?" Morgan could see the wheels turning in his head; every emotion from excitement to sheer joy laid bare. It was heartbreaking to see the hope bleed out of his eyes when no other words were forthcoming. Words like she's right outside and she's dying to meet you again. "Oh!" He mumbled, and then he rallied, his hand grabbing Morgan's. "I'm sorry."

"She will come around." Morgan promised. "She just needs time to think." Kissing him quick, he got up.

"Morgan?" Reid clung to his arm.

"I'm alright pretty boy. I just gotta clean you up." Morgan paused on his way to the bathroom and smiled. "On the upside, I think we just united in your hatred of licorice." There no way he'd ever think of it again without thinking of his mom.


	17. Chapter 17

Sitting on the king size bed, Reid leaned back into the mound of pillows picking at the tan Ace bandages encircling both his wrists. As always Morgan had gone above and beyond to take care of him treating the mini abrasions like a major injury until Reid looked like a suicidal teen held together by tape and depression.

He pulled back the elastic for the third time in under an hour just to be sure that ragged determined cuts didn't lie beyond it. Tucking his feet under him, he tugged at the edges, the hum from the television slipping through the open door.

Scooting down he dragged the thick comforter over his head drowning out the sound of a pompous talk show host and muffled laughter. It was the sound of Morgan's misery and more importantly a sign that he didn't know how to console him.

Since his mom left, Morgan had picked up Clooney, watched a basketball game, they'd gone out for dinner to a Mexican restaurant that had live entertainment with the car radio blaring all the way to and from there and now he was watching TV. They hadn't really talked about his mother's hasty exit and Reid had been grateful for the distraction because he didn't know what to say or do.

Every family was unique in the way they communicated and related to each other, it was a connection built over years of interaction, dependence, love, and forgiveness. Even if Reid were made privy to all the events starting from Morgan's birth up to now, all the subtle emotional familial nuances would be forever lost to him because he was an outsider.

Reid's own family was a mystery to him. How could he presume to understand Derek's? He had no relationship with his father and while he mentioned Morgan in all his letters to his mom, most days she barely acknowledged it or him. Given her deteriorating mental condition he was grateful for the few and far between lucid days when she expressed happiness that he had met someone, he was in love and he was finally happy. Which he still was. Even though he now found it impossible to shake the odd shameful feeling that he was doing something wrong.

So he cowered in the bedroom wasting time on conjecture to distract from the fact that Morgan was sad and he didn't know how to fix it, a situation that it could be argued was partly Reid's fault.

Shoving the bedding to his feet, he dragged himself into an upright position compulsively rechecking the bandages, shocked that they weren't gushing his lifeblood as old fears of abandonment resurfaced like stab wounds to his heart.

Leaving the bedroom, he lingered just inside the living room where Morgan lay sprawled on the wide couch. "Hey. Did I wake you?"

"I'm sorry." Reid whispered to his feet. "I ruined your life."

"Spencer, this isn't your fault." Clooney threw him a sleepy glare as Morgan sat up.

"It is. If I hadn't insisted on changing our relationship then your family wouldn't have rejected you."

"Baby," Morgan motioned him closer. "They haven't rejected me. My sisters called, Sara was great, and Desiree insisted on sharing the hair-raising story of the one time she experimented in college. A story that no brother should ever have to hear." He complained looking up at Reid with a frown. "They called over dinner. You were right there."

"Oh!" Reid had no memory of one phone call, let alone two. He had been too busy imploding.

"You weren't listening, were you?"

"The mariachi band was really close to my seat."

"Uh huh!" Morgan laughed seeing right through him. "Well, you don't have to worry they're good and I especially love them for overcompensating for my mom's reaction by being  _weirdly_ supportive."

"So? What about your mom?" Reid perched on the edge of the couch's fat arms, swinging one bare foot. "How do you know that she will come around? I don't even know exactly what that means in this context."

"She has always been…." Morgan sighed. "Overprotective is an understatement! My dad was the easygoing parent; she was the one who enforced the rules. After he died, she got a little strict every decision we made had to be carefully considered. From an adult perspective I can understand now how she was trying to cope with the loss of her husband and raise three kids at the same time but back then I just rebelled, run with the wrong crowd…"

Holding his breath, Reid leaned forward expecting to hear about the lost years, the ones Buford stole from him.

"She did the same thing when I wanted to join the football team and later the Academy. She worries about any of us getting hurt. It's her process."

"She thinks I will hurt you?"

"Baby, this is bigger than you. You could be any guy and she'd still struggle with the information."

 _Guy?_  "Because I'm a man?"

"Leviticus 18:22"

Reid's heart sunk. "This is about religion?"

"Not entirely. I know religion doesn't feature in your life but it's a fact in hers. Coupled with my history with Carl Buford, a man we both trusted. Let's just say she was devastated when she found out, absolutely betrayed like she could have known what was going on and protected me somehow. But she couldn't have realized, no one could have. I hid it too well."

Morgan picked the remote needlessly positioning it on the coffee table, his discomfort glaring through the subconscious act.

Reid ached for him.

The rasp of Morgan hands on his jeans filled the room. "She's probably making a connection between what happened with him then and what's happening with you now. It's a fucked up situation but this is where we're at right now."

Reid clenched his jaw, crossing his arms across his chest. He tried to sit still and hold it together. It felt like so much was going wrong for them at the same time. Sure, he understood. Morgan was choosing him but at what cost? Not only was his job was in jeopardy; Reid was straining his relationship with his mother. The thought of the two of them against the world should have felt empowering but really it just sounded lonely. He was yanked out of his depressing thoughts by Morgan's hand on his arm, dragging Reid to his side.

Cupped his chin, Morgan pushed his head back until their eyes met. One gaze troubled, the other sure. "I never expected any of this to be easy." He said.

"But…"

"But nothing. Turn that brain off and listen to me. I have thought about this from every conceivable angle all I care about is you. Here with me. No matter what happens you and I are forever."

"What about your mom?" Reid insisted, tenacious.

"She loves me. She will do whatever she needs to in order to be okay with us."

Searching his eyes, Reid relaxed finding only surety. "You know you do that too."

"Do what?" Morgan murmured stroking his cheek.

"You withdraw and make decisions about us on your own. I can't tell what you're thinking." Reid hesitated especially when the seductive fingers faltered. "I hate it."

"Okay. I guess you have a point. I may be more like my mother than I thought, I'm not good at letting people in I never really thought about where I picked it up." He gave a rueful grin. "I may need a push every once in awhile to get me to open up. You only ever have to ask."

Relieved, Reid pushed into his arms.

"Aw!" Morgan huffed as a pointy elbow connected with his ribs. "What are you doing?"

"I am going to hug you." Reid shrank back a little embarrassed. "When I'm sad, I feel better when you hug me."

When Morgan opened his arms, he ducked under tucking against his chest. The dark thoughts he'd been harboring skittered back from the light as big hands rubbed his back in long hypnotic strokes. Nose nuzzled in the crook of Derek's neck, he squeezed tightly inhaling his intoxicating scent.

 _You're supposed to be comforting him._  Reid reminded himself. "Is it working?" He asked.

He could feel the rumble of laughter against his chest. Morgan kissed his forehead. "Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't have access to a bible or too lazy to look it up?   
> Leviticus 18:22 states "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." KJV.


	18. Chapter 18

Reid patted the tactical vest covering Morgan's chest. The layers of woven fiber felt too flimsy under the soft pads of his fingertips. If he pushed deep enough he'd hit the hard armor plates. He knew exactly how they were supposed to work, deform the bullet, and absorb its energy slowing its impact before it penetrated the textile matrix. Extensive tests by highly trained scientists had determined that this vest would work – almost. Nothing was foolproof, bulletproof, bombproof…life proof.

"Reid?" Morgan's hand grabbed his, stilling the aimless inspection. "I'm going to be fine."

Making a noncommittal sound Reid pulled free glancing around, he could see JJ and Rossi poring over a map on the SUV's dark pulsing hood; Hotch was deep in conversation with the SWAT team leader. Police officers and federal agents swarmed about cordoning off the unruly panicked crowd and nosy reporters. They stood relatively sheltered at the back of the angled ATV, no one paying them the slightest bit of attention.

The sweltering heat in downtown Jackson Mississippi should have turned away most of the crowd but the sensationalist media had brought out the crazies in full force. And the resultant standoff with the bank robbers had resulted in the death of three innocent bystanders effectively ending the tentative negotiations and the FBI was now gearing up to engage in more excessive force. Morgan was. Reid got to sit on the sidelines and monitor the situation from the outside. If anything happened to him…he chewed furiously on his lower lip returning to his examination of flimsy vest.

"Reid? Look at me." Morgan urged. "Breathe." He ordered when Reid's eyes finally met his. The high-pitched whistle he'd been making through his nostrils slowed then stopped. "I will be just fine.  _You_  need to stay out of the line of fire and be here – right here - when I get back."

Reid rubbed at a spot on his chest, his heart wrenching within its cage. If he let it, it might wriggle free and follow Morgan into the depths of the stone building hankering behind them, heck if he let it, it'd follow him everywhere. It was a dumb thing to think, let alone say. Who ever heard of hearts leaving bodies? It was a physical impossibility.

"Huh?" Morgan interrupted his mumbling.

Shaking his head, Reid dodged his question. He wasn't a poet or fanciful by nature, he was however a practical man. Grabbing the black helmet off the truck bed he shoved it at Morgan with an explicit, "I know I constantly indulge your indestructible delusion but  _you_  are not Superman. Please be careful."

"You're cute when you're trying to be bossy."

Would he ever take his own mortality seriously? "Morgan…" He grumbled.

"Baby, if you're gonna worry about something, figure out how we are going to fit all our stuff under one roof."

Reid's head snapped up, his darting hands going motionless on the edge of his vest. "Um…" What? One roof? No. "Are you asking me to live with you?"

"Atta, genius!" Morgan said just as softly.

"Wait, this is how you ask me?" He had expected more fanfare, more debate. Out of the corner of his eye, Reid could see Hotch motioning for the team. It was a sudden jarring unwelcome reminder of where they were. "If you're doing this just to distract me…"

Grabbing his elbow Morgan turned him from the crowd, "I'm not messing with you." He whispered urgently. "Not about something this important."

"Oh!" Reid swallowed, elation climbing up his throat. In a daze, he stated the obvious. "I've never lived with anyone before." Morgan already knew his history. Alex. Now him. But it was such an intimate thing the mingling of lives, sharing of space, no safety net across town incase it didn't work out. While he dreamed of commitment and marriage, the realization of those private thoughts threw him for a loop. He was awkward and weird; no one ever wanted him around  _permanently_.

Morgan turned as Hotch called for him. "I gotta go. Just –" He backed away. "Think about it."

Bewildered, Reid's mind had flitted to his overfilled apartment. "You can never have too many books." He mumbled. Mentally packing, he made room for himself in his boyfriend's home, a home that was already bulging with sports paraphernalia, shiny gadgets, a shocking amount of clothing and Clooney. There was no way they'd fit together comfortably. Unbidden his mind stole back to the colonial style home whose kitchen they'd violated so long ago. It had felt like home even then. Reid turned to ask but the troop of heavily armed agents was already disappearing into the distance. He could wait.

xxXxx

There was something about hospitals, Reid mused, the too bright lights or the night staffs' dead eyes that inspired a bone deep terror inside of him. Or maybe it was the sporadic weeping that broke out from the islands of misery that populated the dense waiting room. JJ sat by his side, occasionally her hand slid over to squeeze his. It should have been reassuring. She didn't look worried which was good, Reid searched her eyes wishing he could have her conviction but he knew better. Life had a way of trampling him when he thought he was finally happy especially when he had to sit on the sidelines and wait. Boyfriends didn't get information access or health care decision rights. Morgan's family would get a call before Reid did and Fran Morgan hated him. She didn't know who he was but she hated him on principle. He would be low on the 'need to know' list if his partner died.

His eyes dropped to JJ's lips as she spoke. She had talked to him the entire ride to the hospital as well and Reid had nodded even if he couldn't hear a word she said. The buzzing in his head inundated every corner; it started after the loud explosion rocked Republic Bank and Trust and shoved no sign of ceasing. It took everything Reid had to just sit upright and not end up in a mewling ball on the floor. Shivering hard he focused on sucking in one desperate breath after another drawing in the sour smell of disinfectant and death that seeped up from the floors.

When Hotch stopped in front of him, Reid shot to his feet. Interpreting his wordless gesture, he hurried past him took a sharp corner and burst into the examination room. Finally skidding to a stop, chest heaving at the sight of his love seated shirtless on the trolley bed. A black shoulder brace slashed across Morgan's chest almost blending with the dark bruises that covered his sternum and crept down to his abdomen. Brand new lines creased his forehead, soot covering the rest. The nurse who'd been fussing over him took one look at Reid and quickly packed up, leaving them alone like she'd never been there at all.

"It looks a lot worse than it is."

Reid wondered how Morgan could smile at all through the rasp in his throat. How he could still try to soothe him when…his breath hitched sending pain ricocheting through his chest. "I waited." He replied. "I waited and you didn't come out." He wasn't aware of much after the unsub had tried to blast his way to freedom. There was blood on his hands and knees from where he'd searched through the mangled bodies…shaking his head Reid stopped. Breathed.

The reassuring smile slipped off Morgan's face replaced by a painful understanding. "I'm okay."

"For now." Tentative steps brought him to his side. "You're okay for now."

When Morgan yanked him closing the distance between them and engulfed him in a deep shivering kiss, Reid trembled dying to shove up against him so he could believe that this was real. He had survived. They had survived.

"I know you hate it." Morgan rambled. His uninjured hand cupped his cheek, calming him and holding him in place. "I know you still want to quit."

Reid tried to squirm away from the painful truth in his eyes but even incapacitated, Morgan was still a lot stronger than him.

"Baby, your heart is not in it anymore and it is selfish of me to want you around all the time, you know. Maybe that's why I tease you so much. I thought maybe if you had more fun at work, laughed a lil more…" He shrugged then hissed through his teeth at the movement.

"I'm not –" Reid paused at the cusp of his token reply, he could lie, claim he just needed a vacation or time but it wouldn't change the truth. His priorities had changed. The desire for a home and family took precedence. He had a chance to build all that with the man he loved, a chance to have the normal stable family that he never had as a child. Only a fool would waste the second chance he'd been given. "I refuse to be ashamed of the fact that I'm afraid to lose you."

An impasse. At some point, one of them would have to give. He sighed letting go as Morgan found his mouth for a long lazy kiss.

"Let's go home." Morgan smiled. "I could use a sponge bath."


End file.
